oh, but ask them about their kids and they won’t shut the fuck up about him picking the apples for his own applesauce at his Montessori school.

Russia didn’t sway the election, no matter how much they interfered. That may have reassured dyed-in-the-wool voters, but these were two terrible candidates with firmly entrenched bases. What won it for Trump was swing voters in Rust Belt states; they voted for him because they believed — supported by no evidence…

Yes, unions vs. transgender bathroom rights, the classic “either-or” choice.

The score is three.

Initially, he’ll be satisfied with the contract, but he’ll be looking to sign a new one an hour later.

I don’t understand this particular character trait, as this movie is set too far into the future for Jim to plausibly remember a time when humans were needed to fix stuff by hand, but hey, I’m no screenwriter.

since he cant sell burgers at his restaurant and can’t sell his steaks at sharper image, he has to take his beef to twitter.

I’d like to give you a star tomorrow. Will you be home between the hours of 9am to 4pm to accept? If not, I won’t be available until next month.

Wherever they land, they should sell stadium naming rights to Comcast and become the OverChargers.

It’ll be a real shocker if he manages to get his pinky right in the next 10 days.

Reporter: “And what’s your weak point right now?”

Please tell me that the “Guy Fieri” hairstyle is not becoming a thing. Our drainage pipes aren’t built for that much gel.

“Hi! It looks like you’re trying to run an A-2 Gap Slant? Would you like help running an A-2 Gap Slant?”

I vote the late great Christopher Lee. Because telling Peter Jackson what it really sounds like when you stab someone in the back is pretty fucking hardcore. Even if you were doing it to Nazi’s.

More like Chad ‘Not Even’ Le Clos.

fielders shifted to left field when he batted

“A group of different people wearing colors I like beat you at a sport at which you excel above nearly every other human being to ever live. Suck on that shit, LeBitch. I am the greatest.”

I’ve lost two jobs solely based on the reporting of my case.

2016 America: Where a 12-year old boy is shot and killed by the police for playing with a toy and it’s his fault because he should have “known” that people would see him as a threat, while a full-grown adult who rapes an unconscious woman and tries to flee should only have to endure a couple months of jail because…