Lauten's press release mentioned that she prayed about this after all the backlash.

The Lord helps those who help themselves to not be fucking stupid.

I am one of those people who hates small dogs. To be fair to the small dogs themselves, the problem is often owners who treat them as sort of oversized, overindulged hamsters. And because they're small and fluffy and cute and their owners assume they can do no harm, they're often badly trained or not trained at all.…

The review was written by a bear. He smells like salmon.

Aw, this is why I'm always afraid to post videos of my doggy. Internet would just mock my shitty apartment :(

They have an imitation fireplace and an imitation dog. Notice the dog toys larger than the dog.

Team Cat Headquarters Here,

Did you notice the fireplace tools next to the gas fireplace?

Lexi is, "Have some dignity, FFS! And DO NOT SNIFF MY BOOTY, damn! I have claws, I WILL CUT YOU!!!"

im not done yet but everything was literally amazing and then OH MY GOD ALL THE DOLPHIN STATUES ON THE TABLE EVERYTHING JUST WENT FROM PRESH TO ETHEREALLY HEAVENLY MAGIC

a second commenter in addition to you mentioned ginger beer instead of ale. Vigorous experimentation is in order. For science!

Thanks :) I thought so myself. I got it out of my system though and I truly believe they are sorry and will be far, far more attentive about this type of thing in the future. Especially since they know I'm the quiet, stoic one. I will bear a burden that isn't even mine if the person who should be bearing it is…

Right? The reasoning was, "Well, her kids are coming and we didn't think you'd want to be around all of that." 1.) Yes, one of them is autistic. I love him to death and am very very proud of him. Also, they aren't 5 anymore. One is 12 the other is 14. 2.) If I didn't want to be around anyone, the cruise ship is a big…

Long ago, my best friend gave me her recipe for what her family calls Jezebel Sauce ... a cranberry sauce with horseradish and mustard. That shit is GOOD. I make metric tons of it and eat it on everything. I make everyone else eat it. I have converted hordes to the cult of Jezebel Sauce. When cranberry season is over,…

Let your turkey chill in the sink for a few hours before cooking.

Alcohol and Sadness.

We are a family of Indian immigrants, so we enjoy Thanksgiving way more than most American families do. My uncle gets really excited and gifts us with matching ugly sweaters and my mother finds new ways to fuck up the turkey every year. We sing karaoke and finally order pizza and do drunk dancing. its tight shit yo

Keep in mind this doesn't work if you have a sense of shame and/or care about everyone thinking you have diarrhea.

My secret weapon is "I need to study" or "I need to go to the library" if I want to be left alone for a while. College students for the win!

Skipping the holiday and sleeping in, playing video games, or watching football instead. I initially thought it was a misfortune when my parents decided to be huge assholes about the snowbird thing and insist their busier and poorer kids spend all holidays at their vacation place, but then I realized I could just say…