The key to picking the right engagement ring is not to be retarded enough to get married in first place. Marriage 2.0 is an ugly joke.

Derek Jeter would have made multiple all-star teams, but would have been nowhere even close to a superstar had he played in a small market.

England definitely bought the 1966 World Cup, and South Korea definitely bought their spot in the 2002 World Cup semis.

Eat shit and die.

No Patrick Redford, J-League is not MLB, and you can eat shit, you lowlife cunt.

You’re a douche.

“Long, rich, productive, really enviable life.” Only a fucking turd of a human would say that shit. Go suck shit, you fucking douche.

Fuck whatever shit team you cheer for, and you’re a douche.

Peter Thiel is my fucking hero, and I can’t wait for Hulkamania to run wild over all of your jobs. #FuckCubspin