I saw a spider on the ceiling and decided to try to kill it by standing on a barstool seat. I lost my balance and my feet went out from under me. I fell off, landed on my wrist and the barstool came down on my head. I made it to 49 before I did it but I broke my first bone (arm a few inches above the wrist) and have a…

He doesn’t sound like boyfriend material. If you’ve been single for years, you can hold out a little longer for someone that doesn’t text you until other women have turned him down.

So they’re boycotting just because he became president? He’s the same repulsive con-artist today as he was last year. Why boycott the hotels now?

Tell us how you really feel.

Yeah, exactly. He didn’t blame anyone else but himself, he took it, learned from it, came back, and beat the guy who beat him. If you can do that, you earn the right to talk some shit in my book.

Anytime you find yourself thinking that you might like a white sports guy, stop and ask yourself “What is wrong with me?”

Oh please. GTFO with that. Floyd isn’t liked because he’s an actual woman-abusing scumbag.

Or maybe Floyd is a piece of shit with a criminal record and a history of beating women. Maybe that’s it. Maybe.

He completely destroyed Eddie Alvarez. But you can see the genuine moments if you pay attention. They touched gloves, hugged after the fight, etc.

He also doesn’t seem to be a total garbage person in his personal life.

This article is such a bitter outsider’s perspective on his antics lmao. Clearly not even a fan of the sport.

Whatever, good night.

Yeah, no one questioned Obama’s citizenship and claimed that he couldn’t be president because he wasn’t born in this country. That was...something different!

Nuclear is the clear option in leu of fossil fuels, you thermodynamic dunce.

Care to expand on this hot take?

You’re one of the good ones. My partner who is not jewish went on amazon while I bawled and bought himself a star necklace to wear so I wouldn’t feel alone. We live somewhere where I know only one other jewish person. Thank you. We need more men like you and we all should be eager to accept your support.

To CNN for hiring those fucktit douchebag racist fuckfaces to defend Trump:

To the 55M who thought Trump was a good idea...

But mostly, fuck you and fuck your fucking misogyny.

My grandma told me as a youth that if I stood too close to the yellow line I’d be violently sucked under the train. Even as an adult I’m overtly cautious on train platforms.