I’d be willing to bet that the 28th ranked woman would have at least tried a fucking real trick in the Olympics too. Even if they crashed out, they would have been a million times better. I’d have a lot more respect for Swaney if she’d at least tried to pull something off. She was there. She’s never going back. At…

One of my favorite things about baseball is that instead of being governed by a time clock or ‘first to x amount of points’ the game is decided when one team is losing after failing 27 times (or more for extra innings).

I used to ski enough to end up owning my own equipment but one day on a trip to Copper Mountain I decided that I wanted to try snowboarding. Yeah, that didn’t last long. I rented a snowboard and returned it about three hours later and went back to the condo for my skis. I could go straight. I could kind of go left.…

Certainly not for us mere mortals. Pretty sure only this guy and, if I can believe Mission Impossible, Tom Cruise can pull that off.

I started out skiing when I was younger and just can’t get the hang of snowboarding in my old age but I agree that this race looks like the most fun and is a lot more fun to watch. The downhill race just looks fucking terrifying to me. Those crazy sons of bitches are doing 80+ mph on two sticks that could decide to go…

The problem is no alternative works any better in the end. On their own, every possible system has its merits and would work. The problems start as soon as you introduce humans into the equation. It just takes a couple of greedy fucks to screw everything and everybody over.

I had this conversation with somebody at my normal bar a few months ago. They told me to never tip on my card because the bar takes a chunk of the tips. The person referred to it as ‘stealing’ part of the tip. I had to explain to them (after verifying it with a friend who tends bar there) that the owner is not…

Actual size:

There are very few places to get Chicago style pizza in St. Louis but luckily one of the best is only a couple of blocks from where my softball league plays but they only have one oven that can only cook one pizza at a time. What we do is call in and place the order for the pizza after we finish playing. Then we hang…

I blame the Cards hate on Matheny and his relentless ‘Leader of Men’ bullshit along with constant references to his faith. A certain vocal portion of the fan base has picked up on that and become unbearable when piled on top of their (and generally common) misconception of what the Cardinals were talking about when…

Think of it this way, everybody at Deadspin loves to talk sh!t about the Cardinals, Cardinal fans like me and St. Louis in general. Boston has now kicked St. Louis in the dick the last three times they’ve met for championships, Red Sox over Cards in 2004 and 2013 and the Patriots in the SB.

I’m assuming we’re starting in 2004 with the WS since this is when it all really started. Are you wiping out just the 2004 WS and having the Red Sox lose there or are you putting the Yankees in the WS? If you put the Yankees in the WS instead of the Red Sox, do you have the Yankees win because then you’re deciding…

The first league I played in with friends sent us copies of rules that said we literally had to use brooms so we bought a bunch of brooms from the store and spent an evening drinking and using scissors and duct tape to experiment with different shapes and methods of making the straw more rigid. We had slanted bottoms…

Some friends and I played in a broomball league for a few years and we followed the rules they sent us perfectly. We went and bought a bunch of brooms of various sizes and spent an evening using duct tape and scissors to shape them and make them more rigid. We tried all kinds of different designs to figure out what…

I call Stan Kroenke. I’ll also have him go last so that the blade is dull and the execution slow and painful as I have to repeatedly drop the blade on his neck to get the job done.

She’d eventually call the cops on me because I’d find a way to get her to ask me to turn down the volume every single day if she brought homemade cookies the next day.

The napkins weren’t in the bathroom. I am terrified of not having toilet paper when I need it so I always check the TP level before doing my business. The fast food napkins were still on the kitchen table from the previous night’s drunken late night dinner.

I really wanted the video and figured I might start ordering all kinds of stuff if I got free two day shipping. I did not. I was only on a free trial though so I ended up cancelling. Over the free month I only ordered toilet paper and deodorant along with binge watching a few shows the first week. Amazon Prime is not…

I was honestly hoping that somebody would steal the first package I had delivered from Amazon Prime. It was a bulk purchase of toilet paper. I could just imagine their faces at stealing a box that size and finding nothing but toilet paper.