there is no way Im reading this article. Been fooled by Billy into reading 37 paragraphs of drivel way too many times.

Billy Haisley wrote all the words and doesn’t have much to show for it.

Matt Harvey seems unhappy about his new role within the organization.

Does this count as another major?

No choice of Cablinasian in the Jupiter police database?

Jesus, he was booked with a DUI at 7 in the morning? That’s one hell of a fucking bender.

Jurgen set this country up to succeed better than anyone else. None of these kids are accidents.

This:

He requested a pizza delivery at 10:37 and started bitching that it hadn’t arrived yet at 11:11? God, what a whiny little snowflake.

I legitimately do not understand the Warriors hate outside of the fact that they are good. They built a team with their highest draft pick being Curry at 7, and no one thought he would turn into the best 3 point shooter of all time. Draymond who was a 2nd round pick and Klay Thompson who was number 11. It’s not like…

Can we please stop with this horseshit?

How about shortening the lineup to 6 players? How about creating a cadre of robots that throws 5,000 pitches per second to allow for simulation of the entire season? How about summarily executing all players from the 25 man rosters of any team involved in a game that exceeds 45 minutes? We must examine all available…

Remember when you were a Gunner?

It’s probably LaVar Ball you idiot

Call me crazy, but I predict Chapman’s contact percentage goes up while on the DL.

“The 2017 and 2018 seasons will be part of the Flames’ transition to FBS.”

You heard the man, people: do not, under any circumstances, like, share, retweet or discuss any Deadspin articles, no matter how much you may have enjoyed them, lest they gain goodwill without proper payment. And need I remind you that they are owned by a multibillion-dollar company?! I can’t quite articulate why that…

“Here is some extremely white shit” could also be said of every lacrosse game ever played.