THOMPSON: I mean, what’s your feeling on this situation?

I hope this never ends. Just keep fucking that shark-fucking chicken.

I think the reason why people only care about feel good stories about running is because no one cares about running. Like, at all.

That’s weird, Derrick Rose just tweeted Shady Acres Outpatient Rehabilitation Center followed by four knee brace emojis.

For the same reason Lavar said he could beat MJ 1-on-1...it’s kept their name in the news, hasn’t it?

Why does the hockey puck have a “R” in it? Is that some pittsburg thing?

However, the sexual assault during the Red Wings game did not occur between periods.

Roethlisberger has thus far been unavailable for comment.

The banned fan’s seat will henceforth be filled by a statue of the fan.

“What has he really done to draw so much ire besides be outwardly Christian?”

What about being honest, and asking questions to clarify and show the person you are talking to interest?

ESPN isn’t the only sports company changing the way they do business. Deadspin thought it would be a good idea to pack the site with professional video game highlights to “expand their reach” and “draw in younger, tech-savvy audiences”. Buzzwords galore in that meeting for sure, I imagine!

Jeb Bush: Please clap.

The idea that this was a meaningless Clasico is the dumbest take ever.

More evidence of the patriarchy...why isn’t there a peternity leave for women?!

I want to get inside Ellie from Brooklyn’s head. She’s got some hot existential takes - “the basis of our lives is our beliefs” and “People don’t live their lives on an ideological wavelength” - and decides, on September 12th, to call into Mike and the Mad Dog to share them.

Oh, did you get lost? This is Deadspin, hon.

Helpful reader critique: You guys seem to think that using the word “dong” for home run is funny. It is not funny.

Get McNutty on it ASAP!