Sorry, but we’re going to have to go to the replay booth to see if he made a “baby saving move” before we can rule it a catch.

Iiiiiiiiiiiiin West Philadelphia

but who would you pick if you had a massive novelty shoe?

“Hochulis! Hochulis!"

Joe Paterno knew in the 70s that Sandusky was raping kids. Forty goddamned years as an assistant to JoePa with Joe knowing that this guy was raping kids and he did nothing.

*were given easy jobs to “build character” as a token gesture of humility

Yeah, sorry, Stiller and Williams don’t count. They weren’t “discovered” or "got their start" behind the screen, they had famous parents who pulled strings to secure them temporary employment before moving on to acting.

In his defense, he was told that, after the season, there’s a chance he could go back to the minors.

God, I’m sorry. I just re-read the article and it turns out a lack of commitment to the game was NOT, in fact, Vazquez’s real problem. Apparently, it was pedophilia. We’ll work hard to avoid mistakes like this in the future.

That’s why I put one of those “No Soliciting” signs at my front door. Gotta protect my family.

“Vazquez, born Felipe Rivero”

Uh, that’s a bold statement considering...you know...*gestures wildly* EVERYTHING else he’s done. 

Pivoting hard to record players.

That sounds exactly like my father; if you can believe it, in a storybook twist, he actually had the good graces to die on my birthday last year. It felt like all my christmases at once.

Ok only half of those things matter.

The ball is clearly juiced. But your arguments are a slow dribbler to the pitcher.

“How to treat adults who act in ways we wouldn’t accept in children”. 

Well all I know is, I want to be in whatever timeline has the return of Block and Tackle to the AV Club.

America’s last great vice? What about voting against one’s self interest? That still seems to turn a lot of people on.

“This book tells a story with words.”