The best part of Len Faire is the Dry Humping Your Sister on a Scooter contest. 

I spent 2 hours on Friday night trying to download a free app to my ipod.  The eventual solution required my wife logging into her itunes account and updating her payment info.  So that I could download a free app to my ipod.

But kids can discover infinitely more music through the internet now.  And teenagers who live in small towns don’t have to hope for bands to come to their towns.  And they don’t need to drive 2 hours to go see check out some new bands.  If a teenager hears about a new band now, she can just look them up on the…

22 years ago when I was 17, somebody told me about Joy Division. I wrote their name down on a post-it note. I saved up some cash by spending $2 on lunch each day instead of the $4 my mom gave me. So after 2 weeks, I had $20. Then I took the bus downtown to go to a record store. I asked them if they had anything by Joy…

The suburbs really is nothing but lawn talk and potato salad talk.

There is nothing worse than throwing up and then having somebody argue with you about what you are throwing up from. 

I remember when people only called 311 because they wanted to get Down.

But don’t you remember what happened in 1998?!?!

Great! Now let’s see them discover the floor of my teenage son’s bedroom!

In college, I had a really, really lousy job working in the kitchen of an upscale market. Like an independent Whole Foods, but they barely paid us. At the end of the day, we were allowed to take home leftover food. Sometimes it would be things like 2 dozen blueberry muffins. I would take a bunch and give them out to…

You don’t have to cover it. 

Diplo was also a school teacher in Philadelphia before he got famous.

He will play a border agent from Arizona named Frank Crater, with his wife, Maria. He is frustrated by the prevalence of teal heroin, produced by a man only known as Hindenburg.

Every 5 foot 8, shaved head with a goatee hockey coach, who just had another fight with his wife, in North America is going to showing this to a group of 9-year-olds and yelling, “This is why you play to the fucking whistle!”

Does that make your pants fall down?

I am a full-fledged slob, and even I own 7 dress shirts.

You will never go broke overcharging rich people so that they can dress like poor people. 

Great! I have always wanted a way to beat people at something. But I don’t want to put any work into it. Too stupid for Jeopardy. To slow for track meets. Too lazy to learn how to cook.

I have had Phillies season tickets for about a decade. (I just really like baseball. And I live near the stadium.)

dread·ed /ˈdredəd/ adjective