Me: “How did his guy swim miles out into the ocean? Is he Michael Phelps?”

Typical of a Llama to spit in the face of victims.

“What kind of club do Arsenal want to be?”

I imagine pulling a behind-the-back when your wallet is on a chain ends up with you all tangled up and falling into a pile of Avenged Sevenfold shirts, huh?

Damn woman is bleeding you dry with her monthly Manic Panic budget.

Shocking Twist: He’s married to a 14 year old.

Seems rather aggressive...A*G*G*R*E*S*S*I*V*E!!!

I’ve been married 16 years and also get screamed at every time I try to get my wife to spread her legs.

The McGregor/Mayweather fight will be half as interesting as this.

I don’t follow MMA, but I’ve seen that name several times before and just assumed he was a quarterback from Utah.

I thought they shaved the silver lining off.

Caller: Say that again? Must be bad reception, I can only hear a loud pitch.

The speed of personal reform after a crime never ceases to amaze. All good now!

Narrator: He is not

Jesus Christ. The toughest thing about being a soccer fan in the US is that every little thing becomes a dick measuring over who is more of “real” fan.

Dom, this is a hit job. Happy Gilmore is a respected journalist who, like our president, both is an award-winning golfer and tells it like it is.

Wrong football, Megan, we meant Handegg players.

“Rather than putting pressure on the basketballmen of the Golden State Warriors to travel through crime-infested Washington DC, I will not invite them to The White House. Very Dangerous!!”

But Charlottesville was about the Robert E. Lee statue though.

Juror No. 52: When I walked in here today I looked at him, and in my head, that’s a snake — not knowing who he was. I just walked in and looked right at him and that’s a snake.