Fifth inning, one out.

Dearly begloved, we are gathered today...

Weddings can so easily be boiled down to a microcosm of a lot of ills in this country. Weird patriarchal traditions, forced fun, rampant capitalism, overly-expensive one-time use dresses that are Made In China...

In the last week or so, we’ve seen stories crediting “HanAssholeSolo”, “KatyPerrysBootyHole”, and “wetbutt23". You can call that journalism if you like, but to me, t’aint journalism.

$170 million over four years. To put it another way, Harden will finally have a nickel for every time he claims to be fouled.

Let’s check the wings for damage before we just assume this guy was out of his mind.

Breaking: Buggy Whip Manufacturer Will No Longer Partner With Rotary Telephone Producer

Grumblings from the local residents of Palmetto, where Claws is set, started before the show’s premiere. Speaking to the Bradenton Herald, Palmetto Mayor Shirley Groover Bryant said, “I don’t know why they decided to set it in Palmetto. I’m not thrilled about it because it doesn’t have anything to do with the…

Incidentally, the correct answer is “The Kinks are the Village Green Preservation Society”

Putin will bring menstruating women with him into a meeting to scare Trump.

Maybe she’ll get invited to the White House for a meet & grab.

It was NEVER plain self defense. The person who had the right to defend themselves was Trayvon Martin not fucking Zimmerman. Zimmerman fucking stalked him and took it upon himself to go after Trayvon after the 911 operator told him she didn’t need him to follow Trayvon. Zimmerman put himself into the situation then…

Gross. He’s only reflective because he got caught. There is no way he somehow got so far in life and work without knowing that you don’t hit on people at work and you don’t force yourself into other people’s bedrooms.

Can you imagine the strained metaphors they used in the meeting? “Like MLK we have a dream, a dream to make the playoffs. Like Obama you give us hope that we can do it. You’re a genius on the court like Einstein. You thrill the fans like MJ. And just like JFK you know how to take a shot.”

I’d rather have a divide than unity behind something terrible

Pfft, Loser prolly doesn’t even have a car.

What a strange fucking hill to die on. Each one of these men lied, covered up police misconduct, and doctored witness statements — and maintained the lie for decades. Including in front of an official investigation. They ARE the cops you don’t TALK to, fool. The DEAD people were the white working class scum they led…

/headscratch

“It all started during prohibition, with a nasty case of frostbite. In the 1920s, the rum-running Linken brothers - Louie and Otto - got caught in a blizzard. Louie put his foot through a patch of ice and soaked his foot. When the brothers got back to their cabin, Louie’s right foot was frozen solid. To prevent…

You know I hate to say this but there may be an actual strategy involved here.