i am not pretty enough :(

I think your phone is trying to tell you something OH MY GOD LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU

plus no one is named Piers 4 real I mean come on.

Who knows what's true, but I'll tell you one thing: Based on how many times I've written it in the past week, I will never forget how to spell "Giuliana" again.

I love a beard. But Jared Leto needs to go on looking like Jordan Catalano. Forever. Sorry, Leto, but I need this.

the locker photo gave me chills.

you're not an idiot! You are a delight! Consider this username my passive beseeching to Dick Wolf that he should really find a spot for Tom somewhere. I need all of my heroes one place.

FUCK LARRY.

if only they'd given moe a neckbeard and fedora this one time.

I had a moment where I was like Samurai Pizza Cats!? Jezebel!!? Whaaaat!!? And then sat back and went, "well played, well played, friend. I admire the cut of your jib."

I feel an inordinate amount of pride about this, as though I somehow contributed. But still THIS IS AWESOME YAY! I'm gloating on Facebook like a proud mom.

great minds! I was in the process of posting to say that if you reaaaaally want to rage, read Emily Yoffe's take. I'm over her, which gives me a sad because I really enjoy Dear Prudence usually.

True! One of ours was put off by Bitter Apple spray, the other could not have cared less and ate literally everything.

Ours are nearing it! one is nine and the other is eight. Ugh, I can barely talk about their ages without getting a lump in my throat. I am in denial about them ever getting old!

Thank you! I'm planning to pop a Xany and about four advil in advance. Before this string of dental work, I'd basically only ever had cleanings (except for that tooth I broke in college running drunkenly down Franklin St and straight into a brick wall), but now I know how to prepare.

I ride horses (though not super fancaaay horses) and I can assure you, as it's a sport that caters primarily to young girls, you could make a KILLING selling unicorn horns to barn moms.

I feel like "wedding unicorn supplier" may be a viable business opportunity for someone. I'd say me, but I know I'm too lazy.

I almost guessed Basset! adorbs!

Years ago I did the South Beach diet, which is structured to help you "break your carb addiction" as they put it. It actually worked. I'd check out some of their recipes, maybe? One of my favorites were like these breakfast egg muffins, where you poured egg beaters (or maybe actual scrambled eggs? it's been a while)…

I have a serious dental appointment on Tuesday (5 hours... no joke). This will be the third in a series of four, so I'm almost done, but good god. I feel your feels. At my last appointment, my dentist instructed me to take Advil for the pain, and I gave her the hairy eyeball, as I have built up a serious tolerance for…