Wow. Whatever they’re paying you for work like this, it shouldn’t be anything.

You failed to acknowledge your”psychological issues,” so since I’m an adult, I’m just going to have to go after you, dickwit.

When, exactly, did you sail around the world?

No it isn’t.

It would be a shame if none of your co-workers introduced your face to the griddle.

No no, the Cardinals won this game. Kimbrel pitches for the Cubs.

The hat is called a shako, and I’m pretty sure he’s a drummer. Drumlines often “carry the bit in the teeth” as a hype move. Shakos look better when pulled down almost over the eye parallel to the ground, and not back on the head like it’s the St. Joseph’s Day parade, but look dumb when the strap is all the way under…

Pointing out that the flaming bag of shit currently occupying the WH never answered a fucking question about a fucking thing during the whole fucking campaign is hardly a meme. The election is over a year away. If Warren “evades” everything between now and then, saw away.
Also, fuck.

“I can do sports takes if you need me to.”
--Shane Gillis

Sorry, haven’t watched yet. Did she say her favorite book of the Bible is all of them? Did she say that health care was a very big deal and we’ll look in to all of that? We deeply need to know.

He’ll be Chopped champion soon enough.

I like to think the most underrated band of the 90s is the friends we made along the way.

REDSKINS GROUNDS CREW:
(takes furious notes)

+1 mozzarella sticks

Dunkirk 2: This Time It’s Artless

Has anybody else ever seen Ding Dongs packaged as “King Dons?” I swear I saw these once, long before the rebirth, I don’t remember where, and no, it didn’t have anything to do with Don King.

Another one. That’s what this story is all about.

I know bookmakers don’t exactly overflow with charity, but I like to think they’ll at least keep it looking as though it’s in the realm of professionalism, like -21.

Right. You sure wouldn’t be all “Bilbo is a superpatriot robo-fighter? In Middle Earth, maybe.”

Colin Farrell.