I assume he could use the fact he owned a ‘70s Camaro as fair warning that he might be a racist.

Lol I love this. Next thing you know, they'll find him in his bathtub with a toaster.

Deadspin has a responsibility to keep its readers up to date about fast-food family feuds, IMO

Adding insult to injury, Ronald McDonald and The Burger King released a joint statement deeming Schnatter “creepy.”

More like Triggered Adams...

Trigg Adams, Sanders’ grandson

He also got a sweet Casio tattooed on his wrist.  Retro!

That’s going to look great when he’s old and has a beer belly and wiry gray hair on his chest.

Plot twist: He also tattooed the shorts.

I bet he still tries to use it as a napkin sometimes?

He might be doing “flirting” wrong

We drunks could use some rebranding on this.

Cousins: Hi, I’m looking for something that will serve as a symbol of my fleeting physical existence.

It’s gonna be real sad when he’s out of football for a few years and he forgets why the rocks are on his porch. 

Psalm to forehead slap

Seems like a bad decision for a guy who now plays in a glass house.

That’s the point.

“Papa John Has Regrets.”

When his moves catch your eye but his team says ‘nice try,’ that’s-a Morey
When you can’t find your way but fired his protege, that’s-a Morey
When your good guys are gone, it’s too late for LeBron, try a Morey
If there’s no racial slurs, or Twitter his-and-hers, you’re in luck