"I mean, time and age are really irrelevant to me... Sometimes, I think I'm trapped in the age that I started this. I'm trapped at 23."

Good news is that the UPD and Tallahassee PD are investigating, so the criminals will be brought swiftly to justice.

I agree, the Property Brothers are hot. Don't ask where I found these gifs, I'll just say tumblr has gifs for everything.

Didn't you see? NO GIRLS ALLOWED!

it might be my magnum opus

No way this is anything but a Fred Armisen Portlandia character.

As a matter of fact I was JUST rereading Devil in Winter. Still an all-time favorite.

HELL YES. Shut up and take my money!!

So when people like this break up does the emotional strain really get to them and they start looking, like, really put together and neat?

Yes, let it all out. I'm here for you. We will get through this Marsala thing together.

hahahahahaha. omg, There are so many things wrong here that I don't even know where to begin unpacking. I will just say this...

i personally have an extreme apathy towards the issue of celebrity (part of the reason i am doing this feature currently is to see if i can make it interesting for myself) but i have an even GREATER apathy for males who believe girls are concerned about what they think

I don't read obituaries yet, but I will frequently fall into the Wikipedia rabbit hole of famous and semi famous people who've met untimely deaths. Obituaries are in my near future.

Yes. But it will be spelled Knorth from then on.

I figured she put Ron and Hermione together because she hated chemistry.

Otters are nature's stuffed animal. Did you know they HOLD HANDS when they sleep so they don't float away from each other?

Girl, BYE.

me if someone tries to give me a fitbit

I mean ...

I am now on the otter beat. I am Jezebel's otter editor.