They told us today, but almost everyone was wearing them already. Honestly, most of my coworkers never stopped.

Nice try, we both know your parents were international assassins, and also siblings.

It was good enough for David Letterman.

Alternately, they could go in a different direction completely and get someone from TLC.  The band, I mean.

Sarah Jessica Parker is too busy with the City reboot.

We have faith in you.

“Time is a fire in which we burn, Piglet.”

“Malcolm, everybody’s talking about your new menacing take on Winnie the Pooh!”

Can we keep the narrative that the Olympics are a giant waste of time and money for the world.  

you’re gonna hate wank?

Challenge accepted!

I expect to see plenty

Sir Mix-A-Lot could not be reached for comment.

I can’t recall hating a movie as much as I hated, hated, hated Gran Torino. So yeah, I think I’ll pass on another “crotchety racist teaches immigrant kid about manliness” fable from Eastwood.

I’ll wait for the porn parody My Crotch, Oh!

Drew Barrymore.

Drew Barrymore.

What, the Hee Haw donkey wasn't available?

I don’t blame those horses one bit. I’ve made the mistake of being behind a sumo wrestler just as he let out an hurricane-grade fart and it literally sent me flying.