I wish I could forget her describing his penis as a small, sad mushroom. 

Unfortunately, we do not carry ketchup! I have literal pounds of mayo and mustard, gallons of oil and vinegar, and an unfathomable number of bottles of sauces that most people can’t pronounce...yet no ketchup!

can you blow it up when you leave?

Are you the old man who comes in and beats the shit out of these guys bullying me? Or is this the alternative cut where I wind up in an alley behind the bar beaten stupid? (well, stupider...)

I’m sure I’ve been on the receiving end of this interaction more than once.
Maybe I will cut my hair...

A more pressing question: how much to prevent the wookiee from fucking you?

Buddy, they don’t even let me fuck the Wookiee.

You want the Star Wars experience? For fifty bucks, I’ll take you to a shitty bar where a fucked-up looking blowhard and his belligerent, incomprehensible friend push you around because of your Dorothy Hamill haircut.

Walt Disney’s Unfrozen Head: “This park was not built to cater only for the super-rich. Everyone in the world has the right to enjoy Star Wars.”

You’re such a wookiee fucker

“You’ve stopped serving blue milkshakes? The brochure says you can get them until 5.00!”

Can’t we have one thread without you trying to fuck a Wookiee?

Ah, so it’s a matter of volume.  Dummies gonna dummy.

And now the schools are replacing the Macarena with Critical Race Theory!

Finally - finally - we have the answer to how the fucking hell these idiots lost to Donald goddamned Trump.

When Al Gore got up to give his speech, he said he would do his version of the Macarena, and just stood there, and then asked if they wanted to see it again. Funny stuff.

I had a friend who worked at Tower Records at this time. I still remember the day I was hanging out there talking to him when a guy came up to the register with a bunch of Macarena compilation CDs to ask which one was the most Macarena for the money. 

Alright, but where’s that clip of Dole being hauled away in an ambulance after attempting the Macarena?