I think he’s being too hard on himself. He’d’ve “succeeded” just fine on social media no matter who his parents are.

“My week beats your year!”

“Funny you ask that, Mom; today Joe did Jane.”

Not that I needed it, but there’s one more excellent reason to not have any kids at all ever.

I wonder how long until the Hologram Stones are charging us waythefucktoomuch for nosebleed seats at the Financial Colossus Center?

And they’re your father.

Yeah, I’m glad I got something to do now that the KISS tour is postponed!

The competent drumming of Sven-Olaf Petterrssonn?

In Sweden, does “fanny” mean what it means in America or in the UK?

Did you in fact get diarrhea all over the Swedish Slip ‘N Slide?

Didn’t they lengthen Paula Abdul in post for that one video?

in a fat suit.

I’m basically fine with that.

The ice cream machine is always down . . . because somebody’s been pooping in there.

“The Ultimate ZING!”

Dustin Hoffman just tried to grope Snow White

I’ve seen the tears on his pillow. He knows.

Ugly-ass busted lookin’ hoopdee lion

would you consider exorcism?

Is that what Lincoln did after he hunted all the vampires?