Inmate #1: Jesus Christ, dude! How long have they kept you in solitary?

That couldn't possible have been any more accidental than the line about "you can't have a Lemon party without old Dick!" was.

The Egyptian kept getting called for traveling because he . . . oh, never mind.

This is how I got pregnant.

James Harden: Hair should grow down out of one's face!

I went over to my parents to drop the car off and I went inside for a few minutes. No one was home, they're supposed to be working. I sat down and there was a "Glamour" magazine on the table so I started leafing through it. One thing led to another...

Dan Marino and Dan Fouts for sure. Those guys would have won multiple SBs if they had any help.

QB: Dan Marino

Boy: "unnnnnhh"

Vecino de mi primo hace 86 dólares por hora en el equipo. Ella ha estado sin trabajo durante seis meses, pero el mes pasado su ingreso fue $ 19.941 sólo trabajando en la computadora por unas horas.

You should start a Deadspin comments Spanish tutoring club called Muertogiro, amirite?

Jen sounds like a bit of a slut. Did she include any pics with her email?

I hate that pesky auto-gammons.

Even worse... this should not even have gone THAT far. Mo'ne by the rules is not technically a prospective student athlete, as she is just starting 8th grade.

The best time of the beer drinker's year is when Troeg's Mad Elf hits shelves.

Terrible. I can't believe that poor kid drowned after all.

This little jerk deserved that. He only put the bucket on his head so he could walk up to chicks and say, "hey, look! I'm a butterface, just like you!"

As someone growing increasingly frustrated with Brett Lawrie, those freak accidents start to seem a lot less like freak accidents when they happen all the time.

I was thinking more along the lines of guys under 25 or rookies. You make a lot of solid and intelligent points and I confess I hadn't seen those numbers you posted in such a substantive context. So thank you for teaching me something. The acumen I refer to is the recklessness of his play and his attitude, which can…

I was at the game. Great finish. Harper's definitely been scuffling lately, but it's important to keep in mind that even in his third year, he's still the second-youngest player in the NL. He was the youngest until the Cubs called up Baez last week.