Just the request has always been enough to shut a casual encounter down for me. On the spot. "C'mon, dude, do I look like I have AIDS? Bareback is so much better!"

Me, age 19, living with my folks and working night shifts, and my boyfriend came into town for the weekend. He loved naps (still does, we're married now). I didn't, but my sleep was all messed up from the night shifts. So after lunch I tell my mom, "we're going to go have a nap."

I have a friend who doesn't like when guys wear condoms. She says she knows her cycle. She and her husband have two oops children and think it's because she's "bizarrely fertile".

excuses i've heard for trying to get away with not paying for a lap dance:

It's been nearly a decade. I'm starting to feel clean again.

I was in a three car collision that was caused by a woman turning left into my car when I went straight through on a green light. I had my four month old daughter in the car and was injured so I didn't realize until later that when someone at the scene asked, "what happened?" She replied, "I thought she was done…

My wife just said, after I read this to her, "If I were the health teacher, I wouldn't have gotten him in trouble...but I would have tossed my lesson plan for the day, and conducted an impromptu class on communication, consent, confidentiality, and sexual ethics. 'Thank you, (name), for suggesting the topic of…

this is one I actually used. I was five years old, playing with my cousins at my Babcia's house. She was making dinner and was a terrible cook. When she called us in for dinner, I told her I couldn't eat because I was sick. She asked what was wrong, and I told her it was prostate cancer.

Oh, god, those idiots. I got hit by one of them who didn't see the red light because she was looking for a hamburger joint in another town. If I hadn't waited a moment after I got the green, she would have killed me. As it was, she did $9K damage to my car and I just had some pretty bad bruising.

In high school one of the guys in my health class showed up about five minutes late for class. When he arrived the teacher asked why he was late. He replied "I saw two girls making out and I HAD to watch them."

Pretty much any combinations of words coming out of the talking hole of a guy trying to get me to fuck him without a condom.

My brother and his (then) wife were already in town for our wedding. They were staying in the same hotel as my parents and my sister and all the other wedding guests. Come the wedding, though, they were a no-show and had checked out of the hotel. Asked for an explanation, he said "I forgot where the wedding was taking…

I had a co-worker that would fake an asthma attack whenever he didn't want to work, this would happen about once a week. He also would refuse to dust any of the fixtures because of his asthma. One time he was in the (empty) break room and another employee walked by and heard him on the phone saying he was leaving…

I tried to call in "ugly"once. I told my boss I had a cold sore that went wild and my face look very, well, damaged and, as the front desk person, I thought I should stay home. He had me come in any way, took one at look at me, and conceded that, yes, maybe I could have the day off.

Sorry everyone. I went through 7 (YES, SEVEN) whole pages of Perez Hilton's website combing for possible answers, and nothing fits.

There's a lady in Newark, NJ who makes jewelry out of guns from buyback programs. One could look her up and commission some custom made baubles out of one's old guns!

A gun in the home is 22 times more likely to be used to kill or injure in a domestic homicide, suicide, or unintentional shooting than to be used in self-defense.

I took a survey, and there are seven women that Bill Cosby has not tried to rape. Don't question my methods, it was very scientific.

"Forgive me and truly understand that I am in no way shape or form a sexist and I am a huge fan of Mo'ne. She was quite an inspiration."