There is, in the research. They’re really talking about lonliness, not being alone. The adverse outcomes are for people who feel lonely - and those people aren’t necessarily alone by any conventional definition. They might have partners, children, jobs that surround them with people etc. By the same measure, people…

But this is one of the interesting things about lonliness research. It isn’t really tied to having a romantic relationship, or any relationship in particular.

See, this is great. However, every time I see it I am reminded of my cousin who, years ago when she was a tiny young woman living in the bad part of town, would use this as a strategy to keep the creeps away on the night bus. Any guy that wouldn’t stop creeping on her she would just earnestly try to “talk to them…

You are 100% right, it makes no difference at all in outcomes. My intent wasn’t to let people off the hook, and I’m sorry that it did.

Incidentally, since you seem to be implying that the only reason people think this way is that they just don’t understand economic hardship you should know that I grew up with a single mom and we spent a lot of those years below the poverty line. Amazingly she never taught me that they way to better our lot was by…

Wow, if you read my comment you will see that I explicitly said that many people didn’t vote for Trump because of his bigoted policies - but they all had to excuse them in order to vote for him. I don’t think it’s way out of line to suggest that the population’s willingness to do so might be a social problem that we…

I think there’s a difference between claiming that Trump supporters are supporting him because of his bigoted views, and claiming that by supporting him they were supporting those views, whether or not they agreed with them. The first is an over simplification, the latter is just a fact. Trump supporters decided that…

It’s not calling them names, it’s about behavior. If you look at the racist bullshit (and sexist/homophobic/transphobic/etc.) that Trump was spewing and think it’s OK to overlook it then you have decided that ‘those people’ are less human than you are, that their rights are a fair trade-off for whatever you are hoping…

Exactly! As long as they are reasonable about it I hardly think it makes them assholes. (And they sounds reasonable, I have trouble believing that people who tell people travelling to a wedding not to bring gifts are also simultaneously throwing hissy fits at the same guests.)

This exactly! I’m so tired of advice columns being really bitchy about the simple fact that people get married in places that require some of their guests to travel.

Right? This was the worst.

Oh, for sure I think there are things that can definitely be put on one side or the other, but I think there’s a big grey space between the two. Even the way you’ve defined it (not raising eyebrows among many) is pretty subjective, and could change dramatically between different groups of people. Much like the…

It’s an interesting problem. I would argue that it’s pretty much all a spectrum, so it’s pretty hard to actually draw a line and say ‘everything on this side is kinky, and everything on this side is not.’ I think that’s part of the reason we run into confusion.

This is what I was thinking. My personal history is wilder than that and I wouldn’t consider myself kinky. (Also love your point about heteronormativity. This is basically saying that almost everything I did with my ex was default kinky because we were two women??)

My favourite do-not-disturb feature on my android is that I can set it to only ring on the second call if they call back within 5 minutes. I love it. I set my phone on DND every night, I let a couple of key people know about it, and I figure that if it’s a real emergency most people will call back in case I was just…

I hadn’t heard about Hillbilly Elegy before, but I’m going to check it out. And yeah, your article suggestion sounds way more interesting.

Haha, yep! We weren’t even middle class by generous standards, but our mom could help with our homework and there was always public radio, dozens of library books and free days at the Art Gallery... not to mention dinner parties at the homes of wealthier friends. It’s definitely helped me get by!

Yep. We had to do this for someone at my old [unnamed job] who was sexually harassing female staff. It totally sucks, but we had to prioritize getting him out of there fast, and without creating either a legal liability for ourselves or a messy years-long legal situation for both us and the women involved.

Yeah, it is a problem. There are also all sorts of really specific things like the mixers that law firms hold for potential new hires... nothing to do with their actual academic ability, but everything to do with whether you can display the right socioeconomic markers. The question then becomes how can you equip…

No way. It was wrong when the right went after children, and it’s still wrong to do it now. Don’t go after children.