DingDingDing - we have a winner.

Are you sure it was a mirror image and not reversed or upside down? Inverse cards have inverse meanings.

Does anyone else get a nasty reaction to lip balms made with beeswax and long-lasting lipstick? I get what looks like the beginning of a herpes blister - lip swells, hurts like a sob and looks like hell. It never scabs over and only happens when I try one of those two products - Burts Bees and Revlon Ultimate Suede…

As a fellow Canuck, fuck off.

Jeff Goldblum performed a circumcision and you’re going with Miley in a thong? Way to bury the lede.

Nothing like coming home from a long day at work and cuddling up with your cobra.

I shall join you from right over here. In my chair. In my house. In my city.

Nope - unicorn. Narhwal tusks come straight out of the middle of their faces.

I always end up looking punched - and I have big eyes. I don’t know if it is because I suck or because smokey eyes aren’t meant for my weird hybrid eye colour - bitches can’t make up their mind if they are blue, green or grey.

delusional pork dumpling

I still don’t feel great about it.

You do know that fishing is code for drinking, right?

You are fucking kidding me. Seriously? I had no idea (I don’t live in the US).

His eye - his clotty, dried up eye...

Her makeup person needs a good smack upside the head.

Seriously - I am almost 50 and Miley is the only “new gen” celeb I get. I did the same shit (sort of) when I was in my 2o’s and had awesome tits and high tolerance and loved it. I had a blast, love her and fuck the haters.

We honestly wouldn’t say no.

Great. Now I get to add “...and don’t get shot” to my morning routine when saying good bye to my partner. Fuck.

I have been drinking, so I am a bit sensitive...but where does Carlos live? I would totes give him a puppy for his birthday. He is awesome. I love him - somebody give him a puppy.

The entire concept is a falsehood perpetrated by idiots >>when<< drunk.