Look into the eyes of a pidgeot and you will see real stupidity. It is a kind of bottomless stupidity, a fiendish stupidity. They are the most horrifying, cannibalistic and nightmarish creatures in the world.

They're holding their breath?

…Hilarious and clever?

Isn't Eddie Haskell the original Goober?

You're thinking of Dustin Diamond. I think David Faustino mostly does voice acting.

Nancy looks a little like gender-flipped Robert Downey, Jr.

Or stalkers were "Peeping Toms".

Thank goodness.

Bugleblöwér Beagle — died too soon…

"Endemic eruption"?

OMG … how did I never think of that???

He was in The Avengers just … man, that was four years ago?

With two conflicting lineages in two different Gospels, no less!

Burroughs did address the difficulty there — in fact, Tarzan learns to speak French (from d'Arnot) before English, even though he learned to read English first.

Tarzan's apes (mangani) are explicitly not gorillas (bolgani). They're meant to be closer to humans (also called mangani in the ape language). I always liked that Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan depicted them as gigantic chimpanzees.

ERB certainly didn't bother much with research. The early novels had Tarzan hunting Bara, the Deer. Later someone clued him in that deer don't live in Africa. He invented an explanation that they were actually antelope and Tarzan had always thought they looked like the deer in the ABCs book from his parents' lodge.

That's actually not that unreasonable for some of the larger dinosaurs.

The immortality was from the novels, although I can't recall right now exactly which of the many lost civilizations in Africa they got the magic from. But it explains Tarzan novels spanning many decades without him aging.

She is — from Baltimore, in fact

Just because the Tarzan novels are classist (and they certainly are) doesn't mean they aren't racist as well. They do show classes of a sort within races — for example, the Waziri are portrayed as superior to other African tribes. But even the Waziri end up being led by their "Big Bwana", Lord Greystoke.