If constant tantrums makes one a bad mother, someone would’ve called DCS on me a long time ago. Wait. Do they mean the kid or the mom?

You guys, she's obviously lying. If anyone at Fox were going to be sexually harassed, wouldn't it be Greta Van Susteren? Hell-loooow!

I like my labia like I like my women: liberated and a little silly-looking.

My only question when I originally saw this was “Who in her family, do you think, was forced to eat the “tidy” sandwich?” It looked so bland and dry, with barely any meat at all. In the very least, I’ma need at least a condiment or two to make that even moderately swallowable.

That’s it. I’m moving to NY so I can best best friends with Leslie Jones.

I’m rolling my eyes at anyone who doesn’t just automatically assume any piece is a marketing ploy. Every website is hocking somebody else’s good. Every TV show is subliminally pumping our brains with Buick desires.

I just assumed they were the new cast of American Horror Story.

Anyone else caught off-guard by how frequently someone called “Riff Raff” sounds more stable than Yoko Ono?

Nope. Jay Z is totally me watching any sport ever. I’m all “Wait. What happened? Why’s everyone clapping. Did he mean to do that? Now, who’s that guy? Do they come around with beer or do I hafta fetch it? Want some nachos? I think I’m gonna get some nachos and a hot dog. Want anything? Wait. What’d I miss?”

How is no one mentioning his “Inside The Actor’s Studio” interview?? He blubbered away the entire episode! In summary, he knows a thing or two about public crying.

Or maybe, like, just don’t take photos of other peoples’ kids and post them online. It's pretty rude. Even if you're famous.