Ohhhhhhhhh! Awwwwwww….ohhhhhhhhh!

Yeah, she cast a spell on me, and part of my body turned to stone!

I remember one bit where the gang goes out to eat. Drew's about to bite into a delicious hamburger, and some poindexter at the next table butts in with "Hey, you know that burger will kill you." So Drew spits it out and snarks "Thanks to you, I almost had a moment of joy. Safety nazi." Lifted directly from his…

And his death was completely overshadowed by Pope John Paul II dying four days later!

Well, if a guy then decides to go to a doctor, gets checked out, and they catch something before it's too late, that's a good deed. Unless he was destined to be the next Hitler, obviously.

So George instead hires Vicki Lewis in tightly-wound, hot-librarian mode.

Not made of stone, and so on, and so forth.

Maybe it's like those 14 cops vs. that one-legged black man in San Francisco. Only half the cops were "subduing" him; the other half were surrounding them, to keep people from getting good camera-phone footage. Oh, how I wish I were making this up.

It's a retelling of the start of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer that went horribly wrong/awesome.

At work, I use "That's how they getcha" from Dr. Katz, though I don't know the comic who says it. I work at a casino, and it comes into play when there's a bet or rule that goes against the player (like house wins ties at Pai Gow poker, or 12 is a push on the Don't bets in craps). Of course, I actually say "That's…

The cover for Dig's self-title debut (with "Believe" on it) is similar, but awesome. I think I had toys like these.

I think that happens on a regular basis with The Stones opening acts. I believe when they were touring behind Tattoo You, a talented young R&B/funk artist was booed because the crowd just wanted to see The Stones. But it seems Prince got over it.

Still think "Massachusetts Afternoon" is catchy as hell, and wished Jason Segel had joined them on Late Night.

"Homer, I've got a Fozzie of a bear of a problem! See, Maude and her mother were visiting Tyre and Sidon, the twin cities of the Holy Land. Well, they must have kneeled in the wrong place and prayed to the wrong god because they're being held prisoner by militants of some sort!"

I wish. Apparently, it's still jungle fever, but the white woman has it. Once again, a lack of agency allowed for minorities.

Holy crap, jungle fever can kill you! *clicks link* Oh, the mob didn't like Sammy Davis Jr. dating a white woman. Whew. I doubt any present-day mafia care about me and all the ebony goddesses I see at work.

*ahem* 'Murica

I used to work in a restaurant, and I was there after close, when I noticed the ice machine had stop working. No new ice, and no telltale hum. Not having any better idea, I rapped it with my fist, and it started humming again. But I waited until I knew for sure it was making ice again. When I heard the crash of a…

Yep, the logic checks out.

Of course it's funny; it's an O'Neal.