We’re also all thrown out of our routines, and have lost some of the landmarks, as it were, that position us in time.

“physical distancing”... I like it! Makes a whole lot more sense and coveys the intent a lot better.

So, when I do it it's a "problem", but when Japanese women do it it's somehow cool or kawai or whatever-the-fuck?

This is so unfair. How am I supposed to regale them with stories about my Fantasy Football team if they won’t let me into their club?

Finland has been all about this for a while now, although sans the friends part - 

With nobody laughing, Colbert felt like Fallon.

Yes! Please continue this coverage! I’ve asked before and I know you’re keeping it up, this is just my comment to let you know I recognize it and appreciate it. Comcast is fucking San Francisco right now with this bullshit and it has to stop. It never was necessary, it should have been scaling with which package of…

The poor new Deadspin with its stick-to-sports mandate will have no option but to continue never posting!

I was accused of being an American. I only mentioned it to correct that.

You clearly have some issues. I trust that you’ve earned them. No objection. Kindly stop taking them out on me. I don’t think I earned that.

I’m gonna have to Ch-Check It Out.

Hey, as long as Barsanti gets to jerk himself off every day after writing something shitty about Disney, he’s happy. Fairly certain he couldn’t give a fuck about tone or anything else when it comes to that. Maybe he’ll tell us all about it in his next teary-eyed love note to Bernie Sanders.

With Disneyland closed, though, we don’t have to trust that people will do the right thing, because—in a surprising move—Disney actually did the right thing.

So...Disney corp is smarter than our current federal administration AND California’s government? These are truly end times. 

keeping them open seemed like a craven desire just to make money even in the face of a global pandemic

trump is the harbinger of the apocalypse.

I invented my own group for super geniuses.

Something something bootstraps.

I can’t be the only one who things it’s completely absurd that we need Bills passed for things like this right.... right?!

Never go back. If you disappeared, you did it for a reason. If the reason was you, that’s your tough luck, don’t go round stirring up someone else’s life to make yourself feel better. If the reason was them, it probably hasn’t changed, and you need to stay gone. U-turns on life’s highway are verboten.

Let’s see. We went out several times, I really liked you, we might even have had sex a couple of times and met each other’s friends, and then you blew me off and disappeared, leaving me upset, hurt, confused, and trying to figure out what is so wrong with me that you couldn’t even bring yourself to say “goodbye”. I…