FYI I asked if he invited Jonathan Chait, and he told me he only reads The Cut.

OMG you missed the cutest woke man there.

I would have also accepted Kazakhstaniszewski. Although not Kamchatkaniszewski.

Of course he could’ve, he’s not blind.  

I was really into the Tony Hawk games for a while. One time, my mom watched me play for a bit, then said, “Why don’t you go outside and do that for real?”

The truth is, this election cycle didn’t depress me at all. As a POC of a certain age, it was wonderful to see all of the horrible shit that’s been swept under the political rug all these years finally brought to the front. Yeah, the racists were doing their best to oppress their inferiors, but when I was a kid,…

Sorry, Scottie, wrong rapper. I’m pretty sure “Mazel Tov Cocktail” was from A Tribe Called Quest.

Rye is great with shit.

Sure do!

No, you devil worshipper! I bet you like buckwheat pancakes too.

Rye is great, you take that back!

Even worse is the fact that he used rye bread.

My grandfather died without ever having seen the cubs win the world series. So, my Dad, ever the crazy asshole he is, brought a radio out on the porch so gramps could listen in from heaven. We all thought he was going out there to jack off, but nope he was going out there to be with his Dad, which I thought was sweet.…

This is how this went down at home.
“Daddy swore an oath...”
“Daddy, don’t swear!”
“Yes but honey...”
“Swearing isn’t nice!”
“Okay but my oath...”
“What?”
“Oath it means like a promise.”
“No, he’s in Fwo-zen.”
“No honey, that’s Olaf....The snowman.”
“NO DADDY! He’s Oaf and don’t swear at him!”
“Fine, but what I was saying...”
“Can…