My female friends in the military would take a bullet to save one of their fellow soldier/sailors. I have no doubt of this. These same women are whip-smart, super strong, and total badasses.

“She’ll sleep with anyone”

Chrissy Teigen, bringing a whole new meaning to “Babality.”

I don’t know what it says about me that when I found out my post was mentioned in the article I immediately sent a triumphant text to my mom and sister. I don’t think I had this amount of pride when I found out I’d gotten a promotion at work. But now they’re even more pissed at me that they didn’t get to eat one.

Hello no haters please and thank you

Why does a newborn baby need a Twitter account? I'm 32 and I don't even have a Twitter account.

Danksgiving

I wanted pie for breakfast but somehow my sister managed to finish an entire pecan pie. By herself. Between the hours of 8 pm- 10 am. After Thanksgiving eating from 5-7:30.

I’m really starting to feel left out. Next year I’m doing two Thanksgivings just so I can post my sandwich on here.

Did I wake up in some alternate universe in which presidential candidates WANT people to believe they’ve stabbed someone and hit their mother with a hammer?? I’m losing my mind right?? Are we dead??

I did not wake up this morning thinking I would like Ariana Grande, yet here we are.

He’s a black belt in Hulk Smash.

Hustler facts: Comcast won't accept a mason jar full of pennies as payment... I just know these things.

UPDATE: Kerry’s down from the tree.

Beards are a privilege, not a right.

I’m a guy, and this horrifies me more than I can express.

you’re out of your element, donny!