That wasn’t me, that was the author. I don’t say “no” when I mean “yes,” and vice versa. What happened to me, and what created the gray area, was that I said and did nothing at all. So I can’t really speak to that mindset, although I agree generally that it is confusing for both men and women.

It’s wonderful to be reminded that there are men like that out there! I know plenty of them myself, including some pretty dominant ones :) People talk about affirmative consent like it’s some kind of impossible, unreasonable goal requiring men and women to act in an unnatural way, and that makes me crazy. Men and…

As I’ve said elsewhere in the thread, I feel that I consented in the sense that at some point, I made a conscious decision to go along with it instead of doing anything to stop it, which I could have. I recognize that to someone who is determined to see rape, that sounds like the description of a rape. But to me,…

I completely agree, age is such a factor. It’s unfortunate that so many of us learn the hard way that not only CAN we be taken advantage of, we WILL be taken advantage of, so we’re much warier of it afterwards, and it takes longer still to understand how things like saying “no” when you mean yes and vice versa…

As a direct, bossy, and highly verbal person, I certainly think that’s a factor. I’ve kept myself out of a lot of situations that could have gone bad by being that way. The time that this happened to me, I quite frankly made a lot of compromises along the way, and didn’t listen to my better instincts about where the…

Exactly. It’s unfortunate that “gray area” is co-opted so effectively by people who are opponents of women’s rights, because it’s a real thing that exists and should be able to be discussed without diminishing the validity of real rape accusations.

That’s certainly valid, and I don’t care to get any further into the details of why I don’t feel that applies to my situation. That said, even though this writer invited it, I’ve found the tone of some of these comments very disappointing. It’s important to make clear what rape and consent mean, but not at the expense…

Which I believe I mentioned explicitly in my comment. You may not understand it based on your own experience. But based on mine, where I ended up drawing the same conclusion as the author, let me assure you that my opinions about what happened to me (and what happened here) are valid. I don’t feel like I was raped…

I went to a women’s college, and I agree that single-sex education is hugely empowering. It’s actually while I was a student at a women’s college and engaging actively in conversations about consent and empowerment that this happened to me, as well as many of my friends. There were, of course, also times that I said…

It’s interesting for me to hear that side of it, because the fact is, I’m VERY assertive and have been all my life, thanks to my specific personality and a pair of attorney parents who valued that very highly in me. I thrive on confrontation, I’m very communicative, I say no with absolute glee most of the time. I get…

If there is a woman alive who has not had this experience, I’d like to meet her, because she is a rare, rare creature. I’m so grateful to you for sharing your story and elaborating on the complexity of consent. So many people want to make it a black-and-white, yes-or-no issue, and the more people who stand up and say…

Take a step back, yo. I assumed you were my generation (mine would be Backstreet Boys/N’SYNC) or older, and yes, you covered it. This is the sound of someone agreeing with you on the internet. Calm yourself.

Haha oh please. Anyone who’s loved a boy band before knows what this is. And I guess this is how the current generation finds out! ;)

Wait didn’t that happen in like, August? What happened now?

Yes, how dare Ciara fail to recognize the solemnity of this occasion.

I think that’s very true. Honestly, my best tip for getting asked out in public is simple: stop wearing headphones! Most men who exist at that perfect place on the scale of nice —> confident will hesitate to ask you to pull out your headphones so they can talk to you. The ones who do are generally crazy/rude. But if…

Serious question—when Catholics name their child after a saint, is it construed as a meaningful act? Like are you wishing your child some piece of their legacy, or trying to convey something about your family values? Or is it just like, a tradition thing and of no particular significance?

On the other hand, 1.3 billion put into public schools for math education might actually have a much-needed impact...

Considering this the 2nd essay I’ve read entitled “I went on a Tinder date with Martin Shrekli” I’m pretty sure dude is on Tinder.

I mean, she’s beautiful, sure, and she’s doing something cool in her field, but she’s an actress who lives in Queens—I wouldn’t really say she’s uber-successful. He’s a massively wealthy corporate dude who lives in Manhattan. He went to a big city university in New York; she went to a small private college in…