“My socks are hard to put on because my hips are getting tight. My right leg is always shorter than the left so my back is always locked. Acid reflux is messing up my vocal cords. Jaw is sore some mornings. Nightmares.”

a bunch of children on hand at the Please Touch Museum

Fuck it, just trade him to the Patriots for a conditional 2023 6th round pick and get it over with.

“Say what you will about Hitler, but at least he killed Hitler.”

“Introducing the Sony Swap!". 

Get a battery pack with a cradle and put it there when you’re done.

You lost me at the title. Why aren’t you using a rechargeable pack? 

This story is so, so sad to me.

I think you are an outlier. I also don’t remember anyone referring to it as either the NES or Ness back in the day. It seems like in the late 80's and up until SNES was released most people just called it Nintendo. I honestly don’t remember many people referring to them as NES/Super NES/SNES until after the year 2000. 

I stopped going to Gamestop when one of their employees tried to sneak their useless disk insurance into my transaction without telling me.   

“Such visitors are drawn to the website by the widespread availability of free, unauthorized copies of Nintendo’s video games and other highly valuable intellectual property.”

More like remember when all those developers made him a SF because he can shoot a 3? Hate to see what they would do with today’s players.

This feels like a rejected Onion article.

You just couldn’t help but humblebrag about having a wife, and bread, could you?

You know, some people also didn’t like The Last Jedi because it’s a structurally questionable movie with some bad writing and underdeveloped (or underused) characters.

I want to take this song, and play it at a party to see if anyone notices and thinks theyre just having a stroke.

No offense, but maybe the title should have been:

Translating...

Get his own game before being a fighter? Right. I loved Daisy’s game. Along with Ridley Teaches Typing. Let’s not forget the classic Pichu’s Super Star.

Exactly. He’s the character we deserve.