Ugh, no. Keep the belt on Bayley for the UK tour. And for god's sake don't let Eva Marie on the plane. It sucks enough we won't be seeing Charlotte or Becky Lynch.

You mean BLAST HARDCHEESE.

Really, the fact that they took an innocuous bunch of pixels called Jumpman and turned him into this ridiculous Italian plumber which has nothing to do with anything and irritatingly shouts "wahoo!" every time he jumps now, is just insane in the membrane.

The biggest WTF moment is the terrible product placement for Nike or Reebok or whichever one it was, which I remember made everyone groan in the cinema.

It was baffling as a ten-year-old, and I've never had the desire to see it again, so … we should probably all sit down and watch it!

Was it low budget, though? I thought they piled a ton of money into it.

Yes. I think a lot of the horror comes from subconscious fears about penetration, especially penetration of the male, and possibly the parasitical nature of birth (I mean there's a lot going on in it), but what it has to do with the concept of pro-choice politics baffles me.

It might not be much, but stumbling across the Star Road in Super Mario World was revelatory for my young, tender mind. Such secrets!

YO BITCH GET OUT THE WAY

I think they're too busy making everyone knows Jeremy Corbyn is the son of Stalin.

What else was there to her character?

And without batting an eyelid a man will refer to his penis as his "dick", or his "rod", or his "johnson".

You can't, Darlene's on the phone to her boyfriend, again.

Because the Kessel Run was an mazy asteroid field pilots had to navigate safely in the shortest total distance, duh.

Is this really news? Do Americans not have stamps anymore? I mean, no-one uses them here in the UK either, the Royal Mail only create ones like these for the losers that collect stamps.

Giant-Size Munt-Thing?

Oh, zose sexy Germans!

Also, how exactly does that tentacle monster grow to the size of a whale in a matter of minutes? Where did it get all that extra mass, trapped in one room?

Well, if it had been Prometheus, it could have been about a group of nerdy xenomorphs trying to score hot dates for the end of term dance …

That's one big pile of shit.