You had to bring up the goddamn herschel walker trade.

“enlarged prostate of a stat sheet”.

Moana? I’ve never seen it. But I was watching Sister Act with my kids a couple weekends ago and I was a mess. I’m a 39-year-old man with three children. My son flushed a matchbox car down the toilet and it got stuck in the trap, subsequently trapping toilet paper and shit until it would no longer flush. I removed…

After the 5-0 start last year, I called my dad. I said, “hey dad, I think we have a good team this year.” He replied, “yeah it looks like it”. Yeah. We were wrong. He is 67 years old, and just an awesome guy. I feel bad for him because he was born into fandom of this fucking team, just like me, except he had to…

+100, and I was born and raised in Minnesota and still live here. Thanks for the laugh, sir.

Yeah, me too. You sir, are funny

Goddamn, I almost spit out my soda.

Anyone that has had an infant son has cleaned poop off of balls. But did he poop on his balls or did he get poop on his balls? I guess he got poop on his balls.

Somehow, I had to fight my wife to even HAVE santa for our kids. We don’t wrap the presents, but this is the thing that I fucking hate. The BIG present has to come from us, not santa. She doesn’t want santa getting all the glory for the BIG fucking present. I’m married to the grinch. Anyone else out there have to…

I am a wadder. My wife and I have had arguments about this.

Yup, ranch too. But I guess it’s everything. Oh, you’re “STARVING”? Here’s a full bowl of mac and cheese. Now please sit down and eat your two to three bites, proclaim that you are full so you can move on to asking me for ice cream, candy, or potato chips in five minutes.

I’m not having any more kids (I hope), but if I did the name would be whiskey. whiskey richard.

That is so fucking disgusting

I always put ketchup in the fridge after opening the seal. I guess that’s how it was in my parents’ house when I was a kid. But on to the bigger issue. Why do kids waste so goddamn much of it? I have three of them, and not a one has the sense to a) use a proportional amount for their small portions of fries,…

I was sitting here at my desk laughing my fool head off when one of my co-workers (he enjoys the poop stories as much as I do) came back from a lumber delivery. He sees me with my face buried in my hands and my body shaking. He says to me with a big shit-eating grin on his face, “the Pooparoo is up?” I say yes and…

Hemmerling, why do you even try to converse with these people? In their minds, you are a closed-minded fool. There is nothing you can say to them that makes sense to them. You didn’t vote for Donald Trump. You are the one person commenting on this post (that I have seen so far) that is mature in any way. That…

Now THAT was a pain in the ass to read. Wow.

This guy isn’t the president yet. He has done nothing - good or bad, wrong or right. So before everyone rips him a new asshole, why don’t we see what happens instead of screaming “WE’RE ALL FUCKED!”

I read it. So did you.

Couldn’t have said it any better myself. But let me just add this: Don’t act like a jackass on a plane! Do they not know any better????