He could name his kid Spatula Mousepad and I’d be like, “I’ll allow it.”

They can, and they will, but the White House is already arguing FOIA doesn’t apply to visitors logs (and citing a ruling written by Merrick Garland, just to up the fun factor). So the litigation around this will end up costing the taxpayers much more than the $17,000 he claims it will save, and will be a shitshow in…

He’s costing us two million dollars to be at Mar-a-Lago RIGHT THIS SECOND, soooooo...

100% chance his version of working on women’s issues is leading a study commission on “why bitches be crazy” with a special focus on building a wall around the friend zone.

Yeah, it reads to me like he feels he was very involved with how this has been handled and is good with the outcome. I don’t really get the need to continue to side-eye it until Zeke says we should.

Oh man, MORGAN FREEMAN! That would be so great! He would just sit there, listening, all disappointed with his fingers tented. And then slowly, captivatingly, tell you what a failure you are. So good.

This is just ... it’s so beautiful. *wipes away tear*

I have a running list in my head of people I want to watch yell at Donald Trump. Thank you for adding Gordon Ramsay to that list.

The linked article says she asked if Baldwin would be “her date to the theatre,” so it sounds more like she just wanted a nice man on her arm for one night in 1991, not so much an actual romance. Which, don’t we all.

And then suddenly they’re like, “oh snap, turns out we actually need one of these.” I buy it.

There’s also a few articles floating around this morning looking into the doctor and pushing the “he’s no angel” narrative. It’s like clockwork how these things go.

I’m on several job posting lists. No joke, this morning I got a job opening ad for a public relations specialist for United. I can only hope it’s because United’s entire department threw their hands up and quit yesterday.

Word. I moved out of New England and am STILL afraid to say anything against Tom Brady aloud, lest someone from Massachusetts happen to be standing within a 100 foot radius. The first rule of Massachusetts is You Do Not Question Tom Brady.

I would just like to thank you and everyone else for your United horror stories. I was legit hesitant to fly after my encounter, so this has been like group therapy for me. I’m so sorry these happened to everybody, though!

Ugh, she really was so adorable. I feel like left Kylie would have been great at slumber parties. Right Kylie is good at ... really annoying hooks down the front of her shirt, apparently.

Other Jenner.

A United employee once berated me, while I was already sobbing, for not leaving my house earlier after I missed my flight by thirty seconds. I was late because I’d been detained and forcibly searched by TSA, which I explained to her. She decided getting snippy with me was the appropriate response. I am zero percent…

Unfortunate that there’s no other planes, no buses, or no automobiles that could have gotten the employees where they needed to be without resulting in the assault of a paying customer.

When I realized they booted him so stand-by United employees could fly I was immediately relieved they weren’t wearing leggings. Because that would have made United look unprofessional.

This is going to get buried in the grays because I’m hours behind, but it’s important to note that this was an intentional action by deaf Rhode Islanders to prove to the state government that movie theaters are not currently accommodating them. Deaf groups have been trying for at least seven years to get…