Steven Seagal IS… where I do my shopping.

Sometimes not reading an article and shitting on it anyway is the right thing to do

Moth:
[Aside to Costard] They have been at a great feast of languages,
and stol'n the scraps.

Angelina Jolie is so into torture porn that she's basically Mel Gibson at this point.

I'M CRYING

Mel and I respond to truth like sniffer dogs. That's why we make such great detectives.

This comment gives me life.

Typo - he meant "is".

The Kardashians exist to remind us all that most human beings don't realise they are one day going to die.

Sincerely finding Kim Kardashian attractive is a bit like sincerely believing that Coldplay are the best band in the world.

More ice cream sandwiches?

"Oh yes she does!" - Milhouse.

Fun fact: Mr Rogers released a series of albums under the pseudonym "Burzum".

People have said that to me before, so now I'm all like "what the fuck"

I live in London, so if I see Lloyd I'll have a word with him.

PRIORITISE COAL OVER SUSTAINABLE FUELS
PRIORITISE COAL OVER SUSTAINABLE INDUSTRIES
PRIORITISE THE OLD OVER THE YOUNG
PRIORITISE WAR OVER PEACE
PRIORITISE FAILURE OVER SUCCESS

"The ACLU is even more supportive than Jan from Human Resources!"

Excuse me, that "neighbour" is his son-in-law, and I'll thank you not to compare the First Ladydaughter to a barnyard animal.

Who among us, that would be called a man, can stand idly by while this plaintive keening echoes from our nation's boardrooms and country clubs?

actually being William Hughes is very very tight lmao