He just got his bell rung a bit. Some smelling salts and gatorade and he should be just fine.

The Next Matt Stares

DO NOT EAT TACO BELL BEFORE DOING ANAL!!

I gather that Marchman’s emotionless recitations of things the White Sox either did or did not do will be this year’s version of the Cards Lose series from last season.

Oh good, I thought it was just me. Care to join me in yelling at clouds?

Hey, remember when Gawker did pretty much the same damn thing and it was “ok” by everyone at Gizmodo? How’s this any different?

“PUT A PENCIL UP RECTUM TO MAKE BOWEL MOVEMENT TO GET GAUZE PATIENT SWALLOWED TO COME OUT”

Champion.

She’s actually hilarious. I myself couldn’t stand the thought of her but she’s pretty witty and intelligent.

Chrissy Teigan is beautiful and witty and eloquent so you shut your mouth.

Isn’t lecturing Iowa on sportsmanship also sanctimonious?

I get being upset if it’s the team that’s up by 11 that tries the shot but to get your panties in a twist just because the losing team tries to make the score a little more respectable? Fuck off.

This isn’t so bad by Oklahoma standards.

I knew someone who bragged he knew Cedric before he got famous, working the St Louis stage. He always boasted he “knew he was going to be big one day!” yeah, whatever. I always kinda figured he was slightly jealous his own star had flared out early, and everybody laughed at him behind his back in the paranormal…

Bill Wirtz- was incredible the two times I met him. The man didn’t have to give me a minute of time but we must have had a 20 min conversation which included a great story about him and Rocky Marciano.  

Curt Schilling tried to have me thrown out of a stadium twice, both on nights he wasn’t pitching (once in Philly, once in Scranton for an exhibition game). I was a little kid and my uncle was high up in the front office, so I got to stand on the field for a minute or two once every few years. The first time, I was…

This is exactly why I would never take my kid to a NFL game.

...men in Ndamukong Suh jerseys being rude...

I can't even imagine how many people have had their lives changed by the monkey scene. To find out that it wasn't real... for someone who stopped believing in the typical fairy tales (stork, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny) at a fairly early age, I can only imagine that this feeling I have in my chest is a faint shadow of…