I’m so relieved this story is finally being covered. I don’t think sports’ media has made an honest effort to cover this big, big story. I mean, Deadspin alone has barely contributed five articles to it. How is anyone going to be able to form an opinion on the content without full coverage? Bravo Deadspin!

I think I’ve got the lip-reading down, everyone — I believe he was repeatedly saying “peppermint roll.”