You and me both, man. I’m the last millennial holdout against online dating. Everyone I know who has any kind of dating life is meeting dates on cockandballtorturefurries.com or some shit. What happened to the good old days when you would be at the grocery store and you and a handsome stranger would reach for the same…

Gas station jerky IS people. GAS STATION JERKY IS PEOPLE. DON’T YOU SEE??? GAS STATION JERKY ISSSS PEEEOPLEEEE (is dragged away screaming. Turned into delicious gas station jerky-peppered flavor).

No. Your friends are not the people to help you out of a disease. Professionals are. I can’t help you figure out your insulin or your psych meds or your rehab or your chemo. Once you decide that you’re going to get professional help, I, as a friend, can support you. That’s a valuable role. But if you are in denial…

Okay. So the models right? they’re all on this island and taking pictures but also trying to be a survivor. And they’re naked and afraid. But also there’s this bachelor, right? Picking between them and it’s this amazing race to see who will be his wife. Swap that location halfway through the season and put them in…