I would have called the cops on the McD's zombies just because I would be afraid they would maim themselves in the kitchen or that there was a gas leak.
But I call the cops for anything that looks hinky.

That's a masterpiece.

I was on a bike ride yesterday and we were on a bike path (that is very clearly marked). Some dad ran across about 40 feet in front of my friend (who was going about 19mph) and then she realized that his 2-year-old son was toddling behind him. The dad had let go of his hand and run across the path without him! He…

How thoughtful, to make sure that you got it! And the first worker, and the one who got the note and the change, both followed through to make it happen. That is really nice.

It was a memorable June in Woebegon when the Iron Sheik came to town. One of those rare late winters that were warm enough to melt the ice on Lake Average and make the Methodists feel naughty. I stopped into the one town restaurant on a Saturday to have a cup of joe and to check out this new-fangled thing I was…

people who refuse to move or children underfoot are the bane of my existence at work. I'm a banquet waitress in a huge venue. Several levels, and lots of people. We carry the food up to the lines and it fucking kills me when I 'm hauling a 35lb turkey, or deep pans full of steamed veggies in boiling buttered water and…

So true. There are plenty of attentive, smart, hardworking people in fast food. In fact, I'd even say most of them are like that.

I worked at the Gap when I was a freshman in college and during Black Friday I was at the store, finishing up the window displays and was like five minutes from being done and we opened at 6AM and these parents were shopping with their kid. They took her out of the stroller because she was being squirmy and wanted to…

"They closed the salad bar early that day." I heard that in Garrison Keillor's voice.

I was at my grocery store and all of the sudden smell this scent. It smells like my grandmother and I look around to see where it is. Someone had knocked over a display of white wine spilling its liquid everywhere. Being reminded of and missing my grandmother dearly I breathed in a huge lungful of that scented air.

Once at a store I worked at, there was a kid running around unsupervised. By kid, I mean like maybe 5 yrs old, and by running around, I mean "full sprint, trying to body-check other customers". The floors were tile, and frequently had a lot of dust on them, so this wasn't something we encouraged. I asked the mother…

I'm a fairly consistent order guy when I find a thing I like. So on my way in to a new job and find a Jack-in-the-Box down the street. I order a #17 with no egg and a soda (I like my caffeine cold) and head on in. I continue this daily for about 2 weeks (spare me the outrage, Jack rules) and one day I roll up, take my…

Oh god, I was at a restaurant for a friends birthday, when I accidentally took out a kid. I was just walking towards my table when I heard a scream, and realised I had just walked through a six year old, essentially punting him onto his face. I was mortified, I helped the kid up and apologised, and didn't think too…

That is INSANE. I am glad you called the cops! I had two separate "horrible yelling older dude" bosses as a teen, and while I consistently avoided one, the other told me off loudly and cruelly one day, after which I quit. It was right at the front of the grocery store and if it hadn't been so early in the morning…

I know!

They were both standing, staring off into the distance right in our direction, but made no move to answer the drive-thru window

Here's my scary as fuck McDonald's story.

I was on a road trip and had been driving all night, and pulled in at about 5 am on a Sunday to a location in a suburban strip mall. Placed my order, and pulled up to the take out window.

I don't know what had taken place just before I got there, but the manager (I assume he…

ike's voice when he says 'don't kick the baby' makes me squee. IKE HAS THE CUTEST BABY VOICES.

Drugs are a helluva drug.