Raisins are the food of the devil. They are worse than candy corn. They used to be delicious grapes, but at some point, someone said, "hey let's dry these perfectly good grapes out and engage in the masochistic fun of shoving small pellets of shit into our mouths." and they get put in EVERYTHING, without my fucking…

I have a vintage ad for Pillsbury Bran Flakes hanging in my bathroom because the copy goes on & on about how bran flakes are great for constipation, and constipation is the enemy of beauty. It's hung directly across from the pot, so you can sit & read about poo whilst you poo.

My sister, who got married in the early 90s, went mauve too. And had a catered barbecue dinner. I'm sure that was a hoot with her white bridal gown on. She also scheduled the wedding at a park, but omitted the name of the park from the invitations. There were like four parks in that town (it was a small suburb near…

I had this time problem too...but I had a link to the wedding website where the time was.

I totally did that...and then called off the wedding two weeks before it was supposed to go down. Not only did I glitter bomb people but they didn't even get an open bar out of it.

I had a family member put the little wedding bell shaped sprinkles in there - not as bad as glitter. But the cutest part was they new I worked with invitations, so just in my envelope they put the sprinkles inside a tiny little envelope and wrote 'for professional consideration only' on it.

A friend did that in her invitations. The wedding themed glitter had followed us through TWO house moves. I swear that shit is magic.

When one of my sister's friends got married, she thought it would be cute to add fancy glitter to the cards in the shapes of rings, bells, etc. So she just poured some into the envelopes. Opening those invites was like getting revenge glitter bombed. No idea why she thought that was a good idea.

He is. Apparently his boyfriend is Spanish actor Jon Kortajarena.

Did you know that Luke Evans can sing? Of course he can. He's gay.

If you could give less than a fuck, that means you still have some fuck to give. I gaze upon the fields where you grow your fucks and find that the crop has been bad, but it has borne a little fruit.

I had a horrible disaster with my wedding invitations.

My fiance and I were living overseas, and so after (painstakingly) designing, editing and addressing our invites, we couriered them to our respective mothers to mail in-country. Our invites were for a small local cocktail celebration in our hometowns after we were legally married overseas. About a year after the fact,…

I almost couldn't read this article. I still have so much anger over my wedding invites.

My fantastic friends helped me make approximately 80 burlap-wrapped invitations. They all came out wonderful and no one fought.

The invitations to my November 2001 wedding were mailed on September 10, 2001. The wedding venue? Windows on the World.

When our wedding invitations arrived, I carefully proofread — which I had actually done when I ordered them, FYI — to make sure everything was kosher. I'm an editor and my husband is a writer, so this isn't something we fuck around with.

My fiance's middle name was misspelled. Instead of "Lawrence," it was…

So normally when people are like, "When in history would you go, if you had access to a TARDIS?" I'm like, "Nothing between dinosaurs and spaceships, because history is fascinating but I don't want to fucking be there."