I think I had the first customer once. We served a spring ravioli that was stuffed with a pea and walnut puree and topped with brown butter and crushed candied walnuts. She ordered everything on the menu that had walnuts and made sure the server came back and made sure I was cleaning my station thoroughly, changing…

My boss always tell this good one (involving a server's stupidity) about French Onion Soup Au Gratin. He orders the soup at some diner in the Midwest. When the soup comes out, there is no cheese on it. He hails the waitress and asks "where is the cheese?" She replies, "you didn't ask for any." He says, "it is…

This is my own idiot customer story starring yours truly as the "The Idiot Customer":

Commenter's Note: While those customers were dumb to not understand the explanation of the dish, it is also dumb to call them scallop burger sliders and force the customer to infer there is no beef patty included. You wouldn't call sliders made of pulled pork Pulled Pork Burger Sliders. A slider is a type of sandwich,…

To be honest, I'm surprised they still sell Pinot Giglio after that awful Ben Affleck- Jennifer Lopez movie...

The glutard in number three is the reason I nearly broke down crying in my gastroenterologists office when he advised I try a gluten-free diet, the only thing worse than not eating foods with it was having to be lumped in with people like that.

Yes, this. Delurking diverticulosis sufferer here. I don't want to give some store clerk a story of my bowel movements (and she doesn't want to hear it). Maybe the customer was too embarrassed and shortcut the discussion with "allergy." (Though why she didn't say "can't digest this" in its stead is a little scary. We…

I work in the kitchen at a higher-end restaurant in my area. A few weeks ago we get a call from a woman, frantic that her daughter was having an allergic reaction. She informed us that her daughter is allergic to peanuts. What did she eat? THE MOTHERFUCKIN PEANUT BUTTER PIE, which also has whole peanuts on top in case…

Now I have high blood pressure after reading that. Can't stand people!

Can I submit a co-worker story? I worked at a donut shop in high school and my favorite crazy baker was a convicted arsonist who had no teeth because apparently in jail if you have a toothache, they just freakin' pull your teeth out. True story because he told me, and he had no teeth. He was seriously one of the most…

I was in line at a small family owned bakery that runs specials. The special was for a box but you could mix and match. A lady ahead of me picked out her donuts and the cashier (owners' daughter) said " okay, that's 12 assorted donuts...anything else ?" The lady looked at her and said "I thought the special was for a…

Here's a secret, from a person with both anaphylaxis AND Crohn's in their family: sometimes, people say that they're "allergic" to something when they mean that it gives them severe gastric distress, because saying "oh, I can't have that because it locks down my digestive system and gives me the death shits" isn't…

Please, please, please. The kitchen is closed at 10PM. Do not come in at 9:55 and start ordering dinner. Or at least have the courtesy to ask if the kitchen is still open. And if you do come in that late and you are really hungry, apologize and offer to buy the kitchen a shift beer.

There is a special place in Hell for people who come in 5 minutes before closing and demand full service. We have to clean, stock, prep and close, you coming in and expecting us to smile as we reuse all of the equipment we just finished cleaning is not a good thing. And please don't tell me it's your right to expect…

I was that sickly allergic to everything kid, and my younger sister figured out at an early age that "allergic" meant you didn't have to eat something. Cue her from about ages 3-6 with her self-diagnosed "I'm allergic to tomatoes. But I'm not allergic to ketchup." "I'm allergic to white milk. But I'm not allergic to…

"Oh, well that's okay. I'm not allergic if they're ground up."

I worked at local bakery/cafe in Seattle for a few years, and racked up a number of crazy barista stories. Obvs, people in that town do not f- around with their coffee. Like a lot of places, we had a card program (9 drinks and the 10th is free!). One woman came in during our busiest time of the week, Sunday morning,…

Today's entry requires not one, but TWO Drag Race gifs, to wit:

"I ORDERED WHOLE WHEAT TOAST FOUR TIMES AND YOU GUYS KEEP CUTTING IT IN HALF!"

BCO has forced my lazy ass out of bed the last few weeks. I use it to bargain with myself: "You can't read BCO until you get up and make your coffee." So thanks for preventing me from sleeping all day!