Ooh yeah, I would totally read a book about how he came to his new conclusions.

An 1862 maple sap bucket is on my bucket list.

So glad I wasn’t the only one thinking about eastern monks and their penis lifting. Also that one guy who used to tour with the Jim Rose Circus Side Show. This brand of fuckery is not exactly new.

I would like to hear you describe what seeing them competing was like without actually seeing it myself

Last week, Kim Kardashian West announced that she plans to rename the brand after facing backlash over calling it Kimono

It’s such a stupid choice.

Why not “Akimbo” to throw the one-legged girdle angle into sharp relief?

“You are tolerated” is even better than “medium talent,” which supposedly started the Chevy Chase thing. Bill Murray is good at deep insults and is also an insane bad person who fights with other insane bad people.

“And he put his face next to me, nose-to-nose. And he screamed at the top of his lungs, ‘Everyone hates you! You are tolerated!’”

turtles are long-lived creatures.

Wilson from “Castaway” is a mean drunk.

I’ve read some other commenter make this suggestion before and I think it is a good idea: Trump loves putting his name on everything — so let’s do just that. These border camps should be rebranded as “Trumpcamps” — forever linking him to this act of abominable cruelty.

That’s a long time to spend at the beach!

Them there Duggars coulda done so much better (with love and apologies to Dr Seuss)

“Joe, you’re not supposed to read the ellipsis out loud.”

Just remember this.

Also fuck him for “reaching out” when his wife, with whom he has a child / children, was probably sitting in the next room, doing some unpaid emotional and physical labor on his behalf, while he decides to stroke his ego by seeing if he “still got it” texting an ex-girlfriend... I hate everyone, so take my words with…

You guys have no idea how much your words are making me feel better. You're right. Why should I be the one to comfort him?! 

Try to remember that it wouldn’t have been great, specifically because he doesn’t have a spine. Someone who was going to let that be the end of your relationship would never have given you the life you deserve- you deserve someone who would defend you.

I’m trying not to take this personally but I own that sweater.