Hey, Assman!

@A Pimp Named DaveR: Yeah, the deal was the Army was going to let him play in the NFL. That was the deal.

@HebrewHammer: Do you have a macro programmed for that or just know it off the top of your head?

Gawd, I hate these dumb reports. "[stupid time-wasting activity] is costing the U.S. economy 33.2 bajillion a year!" Aren't these things always discredited crap dreamed up by public relations firms?

@PeteJayhawk: Hey, no fancy learnin' things on Deadspin, you elitist.

Excuse me, my ten-minute bathroom break has arrived.

Thank you for the Barkley-Wells-Reilly threesome image.

And people seeking Chris Everett's autograph is your funny reference to 1986? Really?

I like how he started to laugh at his own joke, then realized how retarded it was. Moran.

Martin Lawrence, you did it again.

Maybe if Joe Buck didn't have to introduce the starting lineups of both leagues, the reserves, 300 Hall of Famers, the coaching staffs, the trainers, ballboys, ballgirls, the corpses of the 1927 Yankees, A-Rod and Jeter's team of fluffers, Rick Reilly's ego, and Tim McCarver's hairpiece, this game would end at a…

Charles Barkley is turrified.

The rent includes a washer and dryer, but they're both coin operated. Bastards!

I also believe the watch sported by Mrs. Woods is worth more than my annual salary.

I believe the Nike swoosh was branded on that kid somewhere.

Daulerio went to my rival high school and used to work at the place I work now. The point is, I hope he's shaved that stupid fucking mustache by now.

Dear Buzz,

"Classic Celtics fan turd thinking. KG is the flavor of my ass."

How is Shawn Chacon supposed to feed his family on $1 million?

I prefer the Flooky & the Beans web site myself.