...righteous Cookie-delivered burns like “your father is a tampon,”

Same here. I have to rigorously and thoroughly document each purchase and reconcile it with my monthly statement. I simply can’t fathom people who think they can go on personal sprees with corporate/institutional cards and not have it found out eventually.

“In 2008, she was the original birther! She was the one that started that whole thing! Hillary is a birther!”

True story: I once entered my home made hot sauce in the Minnesota State Fair, and the judges downgraded it for being “too hot!”. They actually wrote that on the judging form.

Our term for redundancy is ‘bus number’ - the rule being, the bus number must be greater than 1. If your bus number is one, you risk being screwed when that bus hits the (only) one.

Practice your sarcastic tone and say this:

But, as far as religious beliefs go, not wanting to serve alcohol doesn’t smack of oppressive of basic human rights.

I’m sitting at my desk, crying tears of nostalgia.

Tomelin has built a four-foot-tall jar and plans to pickle the cucumber

If they’re dirty or if the allergens in their saliva/dander are bothering you, you can bathe them. I usually just give my cat a quick rubdown with a wet wash rag once or week or so, to help keep him sleek. He much prefers that to getting totally wet.

They want to repeal the 14th amendment, haven’t you heard? They say black people are just “14th amendment citizens”, not REAL citizens, ‘cause they didn’t get their rights from the Founding Fathers.

Short answer: nope.

I’m sick of this. First it was moms spots. Then it was seniors spots. Then it was military spots. I have no problem with reserved parking for the disabled, but offering preferential parking for certain other classes of customers simply rubs me wrong. If you want to recognize those types, give them a special discount…

Because the Worst Thing Ever is to prohibit people from bringing guns onto private property. Worse than people being shot by them. Says the NRA.

I had a similar experience in Wyoming, except no cornfield (naturally), and no parade. Just a long drive across a barren wasteland, following the dust plume of the lead car in the distance, and tearing something off the undercarriage of my tiny little Mazda in the process. Considering there were three large adults and…

For those of us who read Tiger Beat during its glory days (19602-70s), there’s also Ann Moses’ website. Ann was editor of Tiger Beat from 1966-1972, and, oh, has she got stories to tell about what it was like as an independent young woman working and mingling with the celebs of that era.

Plus, she once famously remarked to her husband some comment about how her great-great-grandmother (or whatever) had been his great-grandfather’s mistress

A blind item that Entertainment Lawyer revealed just a few weeks ago on CDAN (hit the link to read the reveal):

They’re not kids anymore; they’re able-bodied adults. And thus, fair fame.

The day I bought an ugly old Mercury Comet (I was broke and desperate), the interior smelled strongly of gas. The seller apologized, said he’d made a run to get gas for the lawnmower and some slopped out of the gas can. I believed him.