"Your pork chop, does it taste like ham?" the guy asks, with a smile. I think he's joking but I sort of mutter "Excuse me?"

"... will soon be eligible for Medicare, making the mandate issue moot."

I'm at the age now where I find a foreign object in my food - a bug, a hair, something minor like that - I'm just as likely to simply pick it out and continue eating my meal as I am to complain. My 'ick factor' has been dialed down a whole lotta notches.

The officer at fault has a lengthy history of vehicular accidents:

It's bad enough that certain people I'm related to are lousy tippers. It's far, far worse that some of those cheapskates have actually picked up most of the tip I left on the table and returned it to me later, smugly telling me I'd "left too much of a tip".

Sheesh, it's not only food that's been deliberately messed with. It's food that hit the floor and was picked up and brushed off, food prep people who've sneezed into the batter, cigarette ashes dropping into stuff, workers who don't wash their hands, and the ever-present workers who are sick and contagious but who…

The grocery store in my neighborhood labels those as "chicken paws".

True story: I'd taken my fourteen year old niece and her girlfriend camping out in farm country, so the campsite was owned by farmers, and the 'beach' was on a small swimming hole. They went for a swim, came back and asked me to go with them because the owner's teenage son was making them feel uncomfortable. So I sat…

(Editor's Note: Thank you so much for that job market, Baby Boomers)

I have a huge bra collection. Always loved them, always will. In fact, I used to fantasize about opening up my very own bra shop. Came up with the obvious name for it: Titillations.

Google Apps for Education means that students and staff automatically get Google + accounts, which they are required to use to enable certain types of communication. So you can't dismiss this on that basis.

My brother loved my former cat Smudge (my avatar) so much, he bought me a replacement sofa for my badly-clawed one, on the sole condition that I understood it was Smudge's sofa and he could do anything to it (including scratching) as much as he darned well pleased.

Self-harming to garner attention. Probably the most humane thing to do is to not give her any.

Her actions/persona pretty much define sociopathic. Knows how to put on the good-person act, but may god have mercy on your soul if you ever cross her.

Nah. The first thing you do is run out to the store and spend two bucks on a Zip It drain cleaner tool. Fast, cheap, easy.

Actually, it's nearly word for word what the religious right/RWNJ contingent in the US has been saying for years. They succeeded in stigmatizing abortion, they're well on the way to making it nearly impossible to get for most poor women, and they want to expand that to birth control.

Frankie Say Love Your Body, Love Your Birth Control

As an Aspie who was a complete and utter douchecunt in my younger years, I can confirm that one definitely can be both.

You forgot to add: