“So you could say this is a textbook case of impermissible benefits.” [fumbles sunglasses while trying to put them on]

Meanwhile Matt Kuchar wishes no one would cash his cheques.

Jim Nantz was doing his best to get El Tigre to cry. “Just tell us how it feels. And I mean how it really feels. Deep down in your soul. Think of your kids. And your deceased father. How does it feel? Just tell us."

Jacobian relates to matrices. You’re thinking of Jacobean. Not to be confused with Jacobin, relating to French radicals in the revolutionary era.

yeah, but I was on a time crunch to get this joke off ASAP. Writing under a deadline to make the first “brian kelly killed a kid” joke is stressful lol 

From 2013 to 2015, Wood was primarily a practice squad player for the New England Patriots, Houston Texans, Seattle Seahawks and Buffalo Bills.

With that much leverage, he should try to get some extra PTO days or maybe even ask if he can work from home every other Friday.

These just look AAFul.

yeah well, at least these Jet updates won’t kill anybody

Who has two thumbs & no gift registry?  This Guy.

This guy Guy needs to take advantage of this and list “food”, “clothes”, and “shelter” on their registry. 

It’s just Guy. You don’t need “the.”

That’s some rapier sharp wit there

Not fenced, Zhao says épée’d for it.

or he actually stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Upon hearing the news it was in the brain of someone related to the Detroit Lions, the tumor instead opted to retire from the brain altogether.

You’re right, in my America they would just execute the black man.

The only real union thugs in America are the cops.

Such a shame.

The Memphis Candle Incident is one of the all-time great shoegaze bands.