“That’s right, everyone on the sideline, salute and- goddammit, someone tell Riley Cooper that the salute is hand to the forehead, not held straight out in front of him.”

And the Raiders will be the horses put down during production? I can live with this.

Back in the day the player took his hit, got back on the field, scored a touchdown, handed the ball to the ref, sat on the bench, started shaking, puked, drank a pint of Cutty Sark, forgot what he was doing, went home, beat his wife, and had a good long cry. None of this twerking, that’s for dang sure.

Warning, such a diet is known to cause severe balance and pain response issues, you will tip over at the slightest brush from another person and writhe in pain on the ground for an inordinate amount of time until someone blows a whistle for you.

No need to develop anything, there is already the perfect video out there:

Pictured: Las Vegas P.F. Changs owner.

Law & Order: Highlights Truther Unit

I’m worried about you.

Brooklyn Nine Nine reference gets a star every time, no matter the context.

Do they instruct the contestants to scream out the words like they’re functional illiterates playing hangman for their life?
“I’d like to solve the puzzle, “WON-CEE UP-ON AH TYE-ME!”
“Great job, Lenny.”

I can’t wait to see Draymond Green handle those Balls in the NBA.

Specifically, Ball said that LeBron’s sons aren’t primed for NBA success the way Lonzo and his brothers are because the pressure of living up to LeBron’s legacy will be too much.

mr. delicious prior to joining the yankees organization

I ALMOST DIED

*extreme whisper voice* a steak knife will cut bread.

Yeah, but can you tell us with extreme confidence through a pop culture reference that he wasn’t joking?

Oh so that’s how they got those grill marks. Thanks!

Oh so that’s how they got those grill marks. Thanks!

I want to frame this comment and put it above my co-worker’s desk. The one who always gets put in charge of training new people, but fucks off on Youtube all day and doesn’t get shit done, leaving it all for other people to do instead?

Well, you know, those who can, do. Those who can’t, mentor abject failures who will never amount to very much of anything at the professional level and should probably just stop right now and go ahead and open that insurance sales office before they make a bigger fucking embarrassment of themselves.

- Bill Belichick, on New York Jets defensive schemes