Say Yes to Distress

He’s older than me and I would have trouble dating him because of his fetus like face.

They all dress like they got these outfits at RAVE or 5-7-9 circa 2001 or Rugged Warehouse.

Please become Hannah and ___ Keyser-Soze.

1. This is the best fucking thing I’ve read in a while.

Tyga and his landlord are not in a great place right now.

How is anchor babby formed?

I mean, they’re all basically just re-dos of The Last Supper.

exaaaaactly. are we supposed to feel badly for him because he can’t go to harvard and he’s a registered sex offender? a great way to not have that happen which is utterly in your control is to not be a rapist.

Well, his life better be in shambles. He’s a rapist. He gets zero sympathy from me.

My husband (a northerner currently living in the south) suggests commemorating Sherman’s March. He says he’s happy to help if they ask nicely.

Now mind you, it’s BEYONCE who is being racially divisive and preventing us from moving on from the past.

I assume one celebrates confederate heritage by having one's neighbor from the north side of the street come over and kick one's ass and then burn one's house down, and then one tells maudlin tales to the younger generations, romanticizing the event as a fight for state's rights.

So, if you get raped by a stranger, don’t abort the baby because that’s bad, but we won’t acknowledge its existence when it’s born, either.

Money.

YOU THINK THIS IS SOOOOO FUNNY. Haha. WELL THIS IS HOW IT STARTS, SUCKERS. A few seemingly UNRELATED stories: a girl in a tiara bites plane passenger. Homeless man bites people in Washington square park on St Patrick’s Day while wearing a diamond crown. Disgraced former scientist turned away from pentagon while…

Probably, I guess.