Your budget is too conservative for a proper mid-life crisis, and nothing on that list would cause the requisite marital strife. That said, there’s still a way to get what you want while still going full-on Derpasaurus:

This was just locker room talk, what a bunch of crybabies.

I wonder what the actuarial tables say about a 70 year old who scarfs down cheeseburgers and regularly does blow?

Also, Pence would become president, which is arguably worse.

Remember everyone, you’re not allowed to joke about murdering a politician unless you’re Donald Trump.

I mean, coal power has made a whole lot more land uninhabitable than nuclear ever has. The fear over nuclear contamination is, in my opinion, not really a relevant argument. The relevant argument is the costs of construction, refueling, and permanent waste storage, which make nuclear less competitive than some other…

So now we’re taking Ballmer’s word that it was all someone else’s fault?? The guy had how many years to get Microsoft on track??

Oh, the shit we do to get attention.

With a combination like this, I’d be worried about blowing a tranny.

Thinking that Trump is a incoherent blowhard isn’t political, he could be running as an Independent or Dem and people still would believe that. No, this is an article about an overvalued, weirdly colored relic of the 80's and the car he is selling.

You mean “say goodbye to your behymen”. It’s technical term for butthole cherry.

Well, this thread took an unexpected turn.