Your hot take is the correct take. They’re just OK. 

For my money, Motor City is the best store-bought pizza. It really does bake up nicely. 

Right?!

The thing that gets me about how they edited that scene was that they didn’t have to do it. Durst said all of the following things in this order (as I understand it):

Is it hard? Not really. I’ve dated two guys whom the general public would probably put into the category of “really beautiful men.” I am not one of the beautiful people myself. I’m perfectly average. So there was a disparity in attractiveness both times, but it didn’t really matter. Yes, the beautiful men attracted…

Yeah, I don’t think it’s an issue either. Recast the character. Move on. Done. Nobody batted an eye when Terrence Howard disappeared and Don Cheadle took his place after the first Iron Man movie. Marvel could upgrade to Aldis Hodge or Yahya Abdul-Mateen and no one would raise an objection. 

Downhill/Force Majeure was going to be my contribution to this list. I can’t believe it’s not on there. So terrible, completely bastardizes the original in favor of cheap slapstick humor.

I’m just sort of always amazed that a pasta place has such terrible sauce. None of them are good. The alfredo is lumpy, the marinara is thin, the meat sauce is bland. Like, sauce really isn’t that hard. It might be harder than a steak, but it’s not difficult. A nationwide Italian chain should have figured out a basic…

Olive Garden is my boomer dad’s idea of fancy. To him, huge portions=good food. This is what Olive Garden is. Pasta and sauce is so easy. How do they do it so poorly? It boggles the mind. The only time I eat there is when it’s my dad’s birthday and he chooses it. The last three times, I’ve gotten the gluten free…

It reads like a high school sophomore was asked to do a restaurant review as part of their writing curriculum. 

DeWine started out very strong during the pandemic, following the science and the recommendations of his director of health, Dr. Amy Acton. But once the MAGA crazies started pitching a fit about masks and covid restrictions he shrank and basically spent the rest of the pandemic hiding and hoping they wouldn’t yell at…

Oh, the cemetery thing just pisses me off. The Catholic cemetery by me has the same issue. The Catholic church is so fucked up. How low can they go? Apparently, there’s no depths to which the church won’t sink when it comes to controlling women.

DeWine did do a hilarious press conference the day after the August election, where the measure that would have required 60% of the vote to pass a citizen-led amendment issue got crushed. Once that ballot measure failed, Republicans were faced with the reality that 1. abortion is broadly popular in Ohio and 2. they…

I might just throw on my “Nevertheless, she Persisted” shirt and set foot back in my hometown Catholic church just as a “fuck you” to the church for donating millions to the “Vote No” campaign.

The subtext is pretty clear to me. The title and lead graf stress the statement’s brevity, and the paragraph leads with all the other celebrities who commented first, implying the cast was slow to respond. In writing about news, how you order information and how you frame things matters. In a previous professional…

I’m not castigating Barsanti for doing his job. I’m castigating him for his shitty, unwarranted tone and judgment of mourning people’s statement. He was clearly trying to imply that it wasn’t speedy enough or good enough, and fuck him for that. I stand by what I wrote 100%. 

Seriously, fuck your thinly-veiled judgment of their statement. You are not owed anything. Celebrities are people, too, and do not owe you a public performance of grief. Their friend died. Let them grieve.

I take it to every single holiday party that I have to go to, and people always ask for the recipe. They’re flabbergasted when they see how easy it is. The only thing that we really do differently than the recipe above is that we melt the butter and drizzle it over the yellow cake mix. I think that gives the crust a…

I’m going to stake out a dangerous position here but, dump cake > pie. The buttery, cobbler-style crust is just better to me than pie crust, which I often find too dry to be really tasty. And dump cake is easier to make and feeds more people. We do pumpkin dump cake instead of pumpkin pie on Thanskgiving. And we’ve…

The only time I ever ordered steak to-go was, coincidentally enough, from a Texas Roadhouse that was literally across the street from the apartment complex I lived in. You’re right, anything longer than my three minute walk home is too long for that steak to be in a plastic box.