Aw, but what if they really, really, genuinely and not at all in a deceptive way wanted to see American democracy in action? What if all the hacking, all the the animus, the snide remaks — were Russia’s way of getting America’s attention again?

Jessen identifies herself as an “abortion survivor”

Lady, it’s way, way, way too late for that. Women are going to be looking at the dress aisle at Ross Dress For Less, pull out what turns out to be an Ivanka Trump dress, feel like they’ve licked battery acid, and move on — for years to come!

It’s a pretty good use of Listeria-tainted PB though.

Couldn’t wait until this new hit Jez. (Hope you also do the man who died to avoid watching the debates — which, tbh, same.)

Ahhhhhhh, yeah. I’ll never really think of the Grand Canyon the same way again.

Ooh, what’s her name, boo? I’m sold.

I would love to know the thought process behind that lady-to-Smokey transformation.

Ted Cruz is the only real choice for Gollum.

Darn biased media, reporting on stuff her candidate has done and said. It’s just not fair!

Everyone looks fantastic but all I’m thinking about is Sandra Lee’s dreaded tablescapes.

Jenny Slate is obsessed with Chris Evans and its ruining his previously chill lifestyle

... I guess I should feel offended, but I feel nothing but exhaustion and a hollow, dried up feeling. Like I’m a zombie just waiting until November 8th to cast my ballot and then shuffle on out of this detested earth.  

If it looks like a creep, acts like a creep, is named Kreep... Well, never mind. Amazing that the people of San Diego should have picked this gem to serve as a judge but maybe most of they never end looked that far down the ballot?

Right? It’s not 2002 and you’re not obsessed with Cider House Rules anymore. (Just me?)

This is a Goop product without the Goop build-up. Pass!

I wrote this semi-jokingly, but it can be a source of real fear for people who have experienced it. The closest comparison I can think of is in Greek mythology when people hear the Great God Pan (and his pipes)— sowing fear and hysteria wherever he goes. (Thus the roots for the word panic.)

Here’s the thing: cows are stupid.

Listen, if I enter & win this contest in the hopes being bitten by a vampire and achieving immortality, who is gonna stop me!!

Another reason Hillary’s shade worked so well is because instantly baffled Trump into taking it as a compliment to himself — he was suspicious of what Crooked Hillary would take it as an opportunity to mock him! — but then he relaxed when the meaning of her words sunk into his pumpkin-like head.